Reading Comprehension in the Age of Internet Dating

I’m part of an internet dating experiment.  That lead me to have a date on Friday night.

We had read and commented on each other’s profiles, had exchanged a number of e-mails and decided to meet.  He was very chivalrous – opened doors, offered me his hand, paid for the date etc.  (While I don’t need/require chivalry from the people I date, I do enjoy it).  During the date he (not I) kept making reference to future dates and things we would do etc.  The date was three hours of really nice conversation.  That was Friday.

He e-mailed Saturday  to say that he had a great time and looked forward to  seeing me again, but he e-mailed after I had gone to a friend’s birthday party so I didn’t get back with him.  Then he called yesterday to ask me to go on a walk and hang out.  I got that message about an hour after he left it so I called him back.

We talked for about an hour and a half just about hobbies and stuff and he kept bringing up going on other dates.  We set a time for a next date.  That’s when he paused and then this happened (this is an abbreviation of the conversation hitting the high points).

Before you read the conversation, you should know that my profile says the following:

“I’m a healthy, active, fat, athlete.  I suppose I could say I’m voluptuous or pleasantly plump or whatever people say but I think euphemisms tend to give a sense of discomfort and I’m very comfortable and happy with myself and my body just as I am.  I also know that my look isn’t attractive to everyone and I think that’s fine, I’m just not the woman for you.”

At the end of the profile I have a list, the title of which says:  “If any of the following are true, you should look elsewhere.  No hard feelings!

#5 is:  If you aren’t attracted to bigger women.

Just in case literacy is not someone’s strong point I also included picture of me hanging out, you know…being fat.

So here is the conversation:

Him:  Um, size is a problem for me when it comes to lust.
Me:  How so
Him:  I just can’t see ever wanting to tear your clothes off and throw you down.
Me:  Well, I’m not willing to date someone who wouldn’t want to tear my clothes off and throw me down so that doesn’t work for me
Him:  I guess we’ll just have to hang out with me cursing the fact that you are…. we could do healthy stuff like go for  walks until you lose weight…(long pause) are you happy with your body?
Me:  Yes I’m very happy with my body.
Him:  You don’t look healthy.  I don’t think your knees and back will hold out
Me:  I hear that a lot from people who aren’t educated about health.
Him:  You’re a great person…CURSE YOU FATE!  We can still be friends.
Me:  I already have plenty of friends, and honestly, I put this in my profile several times specifically to avoid having to have this conversation.  I’m really looking to date so I don’t want to hang out with you.
Him:  I guess I understand…sorry if this stung.”

FTW?  First of all, could I have been more damn clear in my profile?  Second, we talked about my dance and training schedule (I exercise about 20 hours per week), if that has me at this size I don’t think taking walks is going to be my path to thinness.   Third, why are you cursing fate?  This is your body issue  that you choose to hang onto.  I’m totally ok with your choosing the issue but could you at least own it?

Most of all, it’s not that the rejection stung – as I already freaking mentioned in my profile I’m aware that not everyone is attracted to bigger people and I respect that.  What I don’t get is why the frick he went out with me in the first place when my profile clearly demonstrates that I’m Fatty McFatterson, Mayor of Fatville, and he knows that he is only attracted to thin women.

If there were a Darwin award for dating, this guy would win it.

Published in: on September 21, 2009 at 7:04 pm  Comments (9)  

9 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I was lead to this post from today’s post{2/11/2011). I literally laughed out loud! I so have had that done, to me. I used to be on AOL, and had men IM me to hit on me all the time! I had a picture of me ON MY PROFILE! I even changed my screen name to include the word fluffy! (turns out that made it worse! men read what they want to read!)
    I’d go out on the first date, never ever hear from them again. I’d write a quick email, I had a good time email-NOTHING!

    I just don’t understand! Are they just pretending to look at pics and profiles? Just sending out emails to every woman with an email account! Figuring by just the sheer numbers, they’ll get a hit! I’m happy I’m not out there dating anymore. Happily monogamous with a great guy!

    • Hi Lauren,

      Yeah, I don’t know what people are thinking but your dating strategy probably shouldn’t be borrowed from Amway. Quality people, not quantity.

  2. I once met a guy who told me he couldn’t wait to kiss me for the first time when I lost weight. I laughed inside, and hung out with him, because I knew he’d want to kiss me long before that happened. He was a cool friend. But when it came time for that kiss–I had no desire to kiss him back. Oh, and I had never lost a pound!

    xo Susie

    • What. A. Douche. Good for you for requiring better treatment to be willing to give away your kisses :)

      ~Ragen

  3. sorry to hear that this date turned into such an idiot.. it sucks that he wasted your time and then attempted to make YOU the problem. your confidence and intelligent responses to his idiocy were amazing though, I am always so impressed and amazed at your incredible strength and dignity when dealing with people like that. i love reading your blog and it puts me in such a good frame of mind! thanks for everything that you do :)

  4. It does make you wonder about people, I know men don’t tend to look at everything and van be very concentrated, but you would expect that when it comes to dating, they would pay closer attention. What about the fact that we are led to believe that men generally go by what a woman looks like, so what was that guy doing?!

  5. I’m a little late to this blog post, but thought it was the funniest thing I’ve read in a while. I literally laughed out loud. Ragen, you are awesome and truly an inspiration. That dude sounds like a total goober.

    ~ManDee
    http://www.chubbygirlcomics.com

  6. He probably thought that you were planning to lose, and he was probably more than willing to “help” you reach you goal… or some such.

  7. He bought into the idea he could “help change you.”

    Or he took a risk and found he just couldn’t be attracted to a specific body type, which is fine, but he shouldn’t have suggested trying to get you thinner.

    And the back thing? Yeah, he’s an idiot…


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