It’s not me…it’s you, except when it’s me

I was talking to a friend today who told me about a woman of size who she knows.  My friend, who is thin, was talking about how trying on clothes made her feel bad about her body. Her friend was surprised saying “When clothes don’t fit me, I think to myself ‘These clothes are not well made.’”

That made me think.  How often do we blame our bodies and not the situation?  How often to we give credit to anything but our bodies?

We say “These jeans don’t look good on me – my ass is too big”

We say “These jeans make me look skinny”.

Why do we blame our bodies when clothes don’t fit well, but turn around and give credit to the clothes when they do?

We bemoan the perceived imperfections in the mirror and if we, by some miracle,  like the way we look, we call it a “skinny mirror”.

Our poor bodies don’t get any credit at all.  What if your body was perfect and anything that didn’t work for it was wrong.  Here is something that I would never normally admit to, but I feel close to you guys so I’m just going to tell you:  I’ve watched every episode that exists of the show “The Making of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders”.  I’m revealing this embarrassing personal details for a reason.  In each season they have an episode where the candidates try on the uniform.  It turns out that their uniform only fits a very specific body type so some of the girls (who absolutely conform to the  stereotypical American ideal of beauty) hate the way they look and, indeed, are cut from the team because the uniform doesn’t “look right” on them. The women are often devastated and even though the people who are running the camp explain that the uniform only looks good on a very specific body type, the candidates almost always blame themselves.

So, this isn’t just isolated to people of size and what I’m suggesting for all of us is that we consider the idea that it might not be us at all.  If you don’t like the way that pants look, consider that it’s not you…it’s the pants.

If you look fantastic in pants, then consider the fact that it’s you – your awesome rocking body that is making mere pants look sexy – they sure as hell didn’t look that good on the rack!

Someone doesn’t find you attractive – that’s their issue.  All the people who are attracted to you – well no duh…you are HOT!

Appreciate your body for all of its awesomeness, and forgive the things that just aren’t good enough for you and your fantastic body.

Published in: on June 25, 2010 at 4:59 am  Comments (7)  

7 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Back in college, my little brother said of a pair of his pants, “these pants have lost their fit on me.” I totally recommend this phrase. It ain’t you, it’s the clothes.

  2. I think this is a really great perspective on trying on clothes. I will try and keep it in mind from now on! Thanks!

  3. Nicely said! There are a million different body types, but really very few clothing choices.


  4. Great post! I remember this was first highlight for me some years ago when my MIL bought a shirt for my husband, and they both kept saying how he was “too big for the shirt’…and it was so clear to me, that the problem was with the *shirt* not with his body!

    And I like your commentary on compliments..some people really don’t think through what they say, do they?

  5. Thank you! I used to go into stores and despair because I was too big for the juniors department but thought all the clothes in the womens department were frumpy and ugly. “Why are you shopping here?” my husband would say, and he was right. We should give our money to stores that have clothing that fits us, not struggle to fit our bodies into arbitrary sizes and shapes. I have curvy hips; I need curvy pants, no matter what the current “style” is.

    • So true, your husband is a wise man! I have a friend who is a plus sized model who explained to me the difficulty in dressing bodies that are larger because they are more three-dimensional it’s an interesting problem for sure. I’m really glad that we are getting more stores and more options for clothes in our sizes.

  6. reminds me of a quote going around on the interwebs

    “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.” -William Gibson

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