Does this Blog Make Me Look Fat?

I hope that the furniture fairy brings me this chaise!In

“Does this [article of clothing] make me look fat?”

I’ve heard it from friends, relatives, girlfriends; on commercials, sitcoms, and movies.

I’m sure that there are some out there, but I’ve never met anyone who wanted to be on the receiving end of this inquiry.

Allow me to make a case for just striking this question from all of human speech based on my contention that it has never helped anyone ever:

First of all, unless you’re wearing the Harry Potter Invisibility Cloak or you’re a Predator, you can generally assume that you will look fat or not based upon whether or not you are fat. This is information to which you should have been privy prior to getting dressed.

Considering the above, how many times are you going to change your outfit if the answer is  a consistent yes? Does it have any relation whatsoever to the time at which you are supposed to arrive at wherever you are dressed to go?  Specifically, how “not fat” do you have to look before we can leave for the damn movie?

If getting where we are going on time is more important to me than whether or not that baby doll dress makes your tummy look poochy, (it probably does, that’s what they do) is it acceptable to lie?

If I think that you look both fat and attractive, will this create some sort of [false] paradox in your brain that will cause it to explode.  If a bunch of people think that other people look fat and attractive would it create some sort of Vortex of [False] Paradoxical Doom?

What is the definition of fat?  Absent some kind of clarification, the person to whom you have addressed this question is set up to fail from the start.   Are you asking if that bubble skirt makes your hips look bigger than they are in real life? (Yes it does, by design.) or do you want to know if the clothes make you look like you have a specific body fat percentage or BMI (if that’s the case, then I highly recommend Kate Harding’s BMI Project over on Shapely Prose to show you the futility of that exercise.)

So, I rest my case.

I humbly suggest that your body is amazing.  Just as it is.  The way that I can tell that is that you are alive – breathing, heartbeat, eyes blinking, reading or listening to this etc.  Even if you want to change the size and shape of it, it’s still the body that you are living in now, 100% of the time. I respectfully submit that spending time asking other people if it looks fat probably won’t help with anything.

I’m not made of stone – I understand that this will be a difficult transition for some.  So I’m not asking people to go cold turkey – I’m just suggesting a substitution.  Instead of asking if something makes you look fat, try this instead:    “Does this outfit make me look like someone who asks dumb questions?”

Published in: on November 10, 2010 at 6:46 am  Comments (6)  

6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. My canned question for Jim is, “How do I look?” Mostly I want to know if I have mascara puddles, an errant tag sticking out, too much animal fur to be socially acceptable. I know I’m fat! I think I’ll throw out the “asking dumb questions” query next time!

    xo Susie

  2. PS, I also want that chaise. I have the matching chair and ottamon!

    xo Susie

  3. I can’t remember exactly when it happened, but a while ago I transitioned from “does this make me look fat?” to “does this look okay?”. It doesn’t sound much different at first, but it makes a huge difference to me. The new version is asking if the clothes fit, if they look good in combination, if they jive. It doesn’t ask for a judgment on my weight or body. While it’s not perfect – I’m still asking someone else to evaluate my looks – it’s a step in the right direction.

  4. I’ve been trying so hard lately to do this (not ask if things make me look fat). Living with my mother is taxing though. She’s one of those skiny, omgdeathfat will get me if I don’t be crazy obsessed with diet and exercise. No ammount of logic or proof will convince her that I am just as healthy as she is, we eat the same (I occasionaly eat less) and I even get more exercise than she does, but since I’m a size 16/18 I must be horribly unfit because she’s struggling to stay at a size 12.

  5. This is information to which you should have been privy prior to getting dressed.

    Hi! I just found your blog via Eat the Damn Cake which I also just found while surfing around over the holiday. I have to say that line made me LOL. Some day I want to ask it, then feign surprise – “Wait, what do you MEAN I’m fat? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!” (I have, in fact, been fat for most of my life). Thanks for the chuckle.

    • Thanks, glad that you liked it. I’m a fan of the feigning surprise method as well.


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