Somebody Has to Tell You You’re Fat

I was in a coffee shop between meetings today and had the strangest conversation.   There are actually three voices involved in this conversation:

RS:  Random Stranger

IMH:  In My Head

MOL:  Me Out Loud

So here goes:

RS: Aren’t You DancesWithFat?

IMH:  Holy crap!  A random stranger recognized me! How freaking awesome! This never happens… Wait, stay calm, act cool, smile like this happens all the time, don’t be an idiot.

MOL:  (very calm) Yes, I am.

RS:  I saw your dance pictures, and someone has to tell you, you’re too fat to dance like that, it’s not good for you.

IMN:  Stay calm, say thank you. Wait…play that back…what did she say?!?!?!  Maybe I heard that wrong.

MOL:  (still very calm) Beg your pardon?

RS:  Your body is just too big to do that.  Dancers have to be skinny.

IMH:  Are you freaking kidding me right now?

MOL:  So you think I should lose weight?

RS:  Everyone knows you should lose weight.

IMH:  Deactivate your eye roll reflex!  I repeat, do NOT roll your eyes.

MOL:  But you don’t want me to exercise…

RS:  At your weight you need to be in the pool, your legs can’t take the weight of you.

IMH: Does she think I live in a pineapple under the sea?  How the hell does she think I get around?

MOL:  (ever optimistic, still going for the teachable moment) Well, I weigh 284 pounds.  When I do the leg press I warm-up at 360 and go up from there.  I work out a lot and do sport specific training so while it’s true that my body is larger than most dancers, I have the strength and flexibility to dance at my weight without having problems outside those that a normal dancer would have.

RS:  Well, I’m sorry if this is rude but somebody has to tell you that you’re just too fat.

IMH:  It’s rude, it’s presumptuous, and it’s paternalistic.  But mostly it’s ludicrous for you to think that in a culture that is this thin-centric, no one has yet told me that I’m too fat.

MOL:  It’s rude, it’s presumptuous, and it’s paternalistic.  But mostly it’s ludicrous for you to think that in a culture that is this thin-centric, no one has yet told me that I’m too fat.

RS:  Well then why aren’t you trying harder to lose weight? You’re clearly unhealthy and the dancing is making it worse!

IMH:  I’m not famous enough to be Punk’d, right?

MOL:  (losing steam on the whole teachable moment thing) Ok, I’m just going to take a wild guess at this:  If I asked for your qualifications as a healthcare specialist you wouldn’t have any, and if I ask you upon what research you are basing these conclusions, you wouldn’t be able to cite a single piece of research.  Is that correct?

RS:  You don’t have to know health care or research to look at you and know that you are unhealthy.

IMH:  Why, are you some kind of human MRI machine?

MOL:  See, that’s where you and I seem to have highly divergent opinions.  And since it’s my body we’re talking about, I think I’ll choose whose opinions I hear and at this point I’m done hearing yours.  Thank you for your time.

RS:  It’s your funeral.

MOL:  We’re done here.

I see and hear this idea a lot: “someone has to tell her that she’s fat”, “If we don’t shame them, they’ll never change their unhealthy ways”,  “I’m abusing him for his own good!  (Also known on this blog as Pulling a Jillian)”

Newsflash.  Nobody who is fat is unaware that there are people who think that our weight makes us unhealthy/unattractive/the cause of all the world’s problems.  We hear it 386,170 times a year.  We know.  More specifically I’ve heard it.  I know that despite the fact that I am fat and healthy, people will tell me that it is impossible to be fat and healthy.

I don’t believe them.  You see, I know that the majority of [doctors, scientists, people etc.]  have been known to get things wrong.  It turns out, for example, that the Earth is round and it revolves around the sun, thalidomide causes birth defects, Asbestos isn’t for breathing,  Heroin is not a “non-addictive morphine substitute”, Cocaine isn’t a helpful medicinal additive that goes great in Coca-Cola.  Name any scientific discovery and you’ll likely find that a majority of people disagreed with it at the time.

I choose to live my life believing that the best way to be healthy is to pursue health, not thinness.  I’m willing to accept the consequences if I’m wrong.  I didn’t make this decision lightly.  I looked at all of the research that I could find, I looked at my own personal history and I made a choice to opt out of the thin-obsessed diet culture and focus on my health and it’s working great for me.  I’m not telling other people how to live, just presenting an option.

If you have questions about my point of view and/or want to have a respectful discussion – I am all ears.  I understand that, at this moment, I hold the minority opinion and I’m happy explain where I’m coming from and hear other opinions and discuss them. I actually love when people open a dialog and ask me why I don’t buy into the popular ideas about weight, health and dieting.  I’m totally okay with people who disagree with me respectfully.

However:

If you think you’re doing me a favor by stating your opinion as fact and telling me what you “know” about my person health,them I’m telling you right now that you are not doing me a favor,  I’m not interested, and I’m respectfully asking you to please keep it to yourself.

If you are fully aware that I’m not interested and find it disrespectful, but you are telling me what you “know” about my health because you want to be the “magic person” who gets through to me, then it sounds like this is a whole lot about you and not really about me or my health, and I’m still not interested, and I’m still respectfully asking you to please keep it to yourself.

I don’t think that obesity is a choice for me, I choose healthy habits and I let my body be at whatever size my body is.   I know that opting out of the diet culture was and is a choice for me.  It’s a choice I’m making consciously, it’s a choice I stick by and while you don’t have to agree with it, if you want the privilege of discussing my health with me then I require you to respect that choice. Simple as that.

Published in: on January 14, 2011 at 7:15 am  Comments (66)  

66 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Your ability at restraint amazes me. My eyes would have rolled right out of my head and across the floor, where you were able to keep them firmly in their sockets. It’s amazing to me that people do not want to be pre-judged on so many things, but so many are willing to do so when it comes to health. Other than my OMGDEATHFAT, you would never know just by looking at me that my right kidney is preparing to completely shut down, or that I went through 3 surgeries in the span of a month because of it. You would rarely be able to tell that I have degenerative disc disease, and that often I have to push myself through the day because my spine just can’t handle being a spine. I do a fairly good job at keeping my actual health issues to myself, but the VFHT is all I hear about. My cholesterol? Perfect! My blood pressure? Actually a bit on the low side. My blood sugar? The peak of perfection. I generally eat healthy, get as much activity as I can when my body permits, and I like it that way. Heck, my ultra-skinny friend eats in one day what I usually eat in one week, because my stomach is just that small, however, people assume just by looking at me that I am the one who eats everything, and he is the one that eats next to nothing, not the other way around. It’s amazing. Truly amazing.

    I would like to know how it is exactly that dancing is bad for you because of your weight? That one is simply mind blowing. Also, how could this person have read so far into your blog to have seen the photos, and yet have no clue as to the fact that what they were saying was basically them talking from their rear? Consider my mind blown.

    • I don’t know what her childhood trauma is or what causes people to freak out so badly at the idea that we are both fat and healthy that they are willing to form a comment via rectal pull. Aaaaaand…I don’t care. I’m also not sure that I can claim restraint – I think it was more complete shock.

      Honestly, what bothers me more is that she saw my dance pictures and what she thought was “That girl girl shouldn’t be doing that”. Just sad.

      ~Ragen

  2. Maybe you have broken your leg without realising it- because surely that happens – and this kind stranger wanted to let you know without giving away their X-ray vision? No? Because that’s the only explanation I can think of that doesn’t involve questioning the quantity of their brain matter. You have so much more patience and grace than I ever could have, though fortunately I’m basically invisible so I never get into drive-by arguments. Good luck to you in all your David Duchovny related endeavours!

    • Thank you for the David Duchovny luck! You know, I didn’t consider x-ray vision – I should have asked. I can’t image what would make this woman behave like this, but if I ever acted that way my Mom would MATERIALIZE and give me a whooping.

  3. Apparently human legs are like folding chairs, and come with a maximum load rating and no developable musculature. Who knew?

    Sunflower

    • And this woman’s very special talent is knowing by looking at me what my muscle mass is. That must be it!!

      ~Ragen

  4. Are you the woman who writes strongly voiced blog posts about how she’s done the research, dissected the counter-arguments and refuses to buy into the incredibly lucrative VFHT and fear-based market perpetrating a thin-centric bias in the common mind?

    I’d like to give you my opinion masquerading as fact and then get uppity when you act like you’ve heard this before and treat me like the moron I have just revealed myself to be.

    Stay classy, Regan ^_^ I hope DD and EDG take you up on your offer.

    • This comment is awesome and made me laugh a lot. Thank you!

      ~Ragen

  5. Yes, first we are lazy for not getting off our fat asses, then when we get off our fat asses, we’re too fat to be doing “that.”
    F**k ‘em all.
    I’d love to tell the Jillian Michaels wannabes of this world that being a bitchy buttinsky might just be dangerous to THEIR health.

    • Hi Ilsa,

      Gotta love a good Catch 22 (insert wry smile here). That’s the kind of thing that makes me pretty sure that this has very little to do with us at all.

      ~Ragen

  6. You’re too big to do what you do, therefore what you do is impossible. Even though you do it. Huh. I think RS might think you’re a bumblebee.

    • Ooh, I love it. That is one of my favorite quotes. I’m not worried about the horizontal stripes making me look fat, but I am a bit concerned that yellow isn’t my color.

      ~Ragen

      • If only “float like a butterfly, sting like a bee” weren’t already taken. :-)

  7. You amaze me. I would have launched into scientific points .68 seconds in, and totally lost Total Stranger. I can’t believe the goddamned AUDACITY this mofo showed. I mean, whiffs of Old Puritania where women were stopped and chided by strangers in the street for not properly stringing their girdle or something.

    The thing about this — which gets me every. damn. time — is that this kind of commentary isn’t about YOUR HEALTH. I mean, this person isn’t CONCERNED about you. This person doesn’t know you. This person is concerned about preserving his/her conception of fat as unhealthy, which CLEARLY your dancing photos threaten.

    This person, by going up to you like this, is exhibiting fear, plain and simple. His/her little fat-hating castle is falling at his/her feet — oh, whatever shall we do when fat people are dancing, singing, carousing in the streets, executives of top companies, governors and presidents, and — gasp! — VISIBLE? Whoever shall we fat-haters feel superior to?

    I mean, slow clap and then some, Regan. This blog, and you, rock hardcore.

    • Thank you so much! I absolutely agree with you that this entire interaction had zero to do with her concern for my health. I mentioned in my blog today that I think it might relate to the fact that people feel valuable because they meet the cultural idea of thinness and if that ideal goes away then they somehow lose value. Or maybe she’s just a total whackadoodle, who know? Thanks for the comment and the compliments!

      ~Ragen

  8. I have trouble believing that is a real conversation. No one would say anything that strange. If I did recognize you, I’d probably be afraid that I was mistaken and keep my mouth shut. If I was brave enough to talk, I would probably not say more than hi and have a good day.

    • I have trouble believing that anyone would take the time to read a blog about a difficult situation that someone went through and then comment for no other reason than to try to invalidate the blogger’s experience, and yet here you are. People do weird things that I don’t understand. As I often talk about here, your experience is not everyone’s experience the fact that you wouldn’t say these things is not enough evidence to assume that nobody would. And I know that because the conversation happened.

      ~Ragen

      • I find it hard to believe. I didn’t mean that it didn’t happen. It seems surreal. It’s just seems so rude. It’s hard to imagine someone like that existing. You handled it better than I would have. I love your blog.

        • Gotcha. I apologize. Clearly I was being oversensitive this morning. Thanks for the blog love and for explaining – so very sorry for snapping at you without taking time to understand what you were saying.

          ~Ragen

  9. How awful. Someone approaches you IN PUBLIC about your blog and does this! I am so upset that that your first public experience of blog-celebrityhood was like that. I am surprised as to how they can know your blog well enough to recognize you yet somehow manage to completely disregard your message. What a jackass. Of course, you handled it with aplomb and grace. Now I’m off to email the Ellen show…

    • So far celebrity isn’t what it’s cracked up to be but I’m willing to give it a few more chances! I did find it disheartening that she knew that much about my blog and still thought that was an ok thing to do. But I learned some time ago that some people don’t want to understand another perspective, they just want to be right.

      Thanks a zillion for e-mailing Ellen, I’ve got my fingers crossed!

      ~Ragen

  10. Here is what I sent to the Ellen show(anyone is more than welcome to copy and paste):

    “Life’s too short to dance with fat chicks” has become a cultural meme due to the television show Californication. While yes this is a fictional show with fictional characters, such comments and its ensuing popularity reflect a larger cultural attitude about what body sizes are considered acceptable and what are not. Too many of us feel ashamed because our bodies don’t fit within these narrow parameters. Ellen can take a stand against this by supporting the movement to have David Duchovny dance with a national champion dancer and “fat chick.” Check it out here:

    http://jezebel.com/5731955/david-duchovny-will-you-dance-with-me
    http://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2011/01/12/david-duchovny-fat-chick-dance/

    By supporting this grassroots movement, Ellen will promote the message that health is what is important, not body size. Ragen is a terrific spokesperson for this campaign because she handles the stigma and oppression that comes with being a person of size with astounding grace and dignity. Her experience speaks to so many people, people of all shapes and sizes, who feel their body is not good enough. What she promotes is what everyone needs self-esteem and self-love especially in these times.

    • Jenna, this is amazing. I can’t even tell you what it means to me that you took the time to do this and did it so beautifully. Thank you :)

      ~Ragen

  11. I have much to learn from you, master…. Had it been me, she would’ve been picking herself up off the floor.

    There are no words, to describe this person’s stupidity.

    • To be sure I’m not sure it was Zen, I think it may just have been abject shock! And I agree, she’s a special one for sure.

  12. The rudeness of this person is just…stunning. The amount of self-hatred living inside RS must also be stunning. I truly believe the only thing that can cause so much outward hatred is an equal amount of inward hatred. I’m so sad that you had to experience this.

    On the bright side, I guess it means you have really achieved celebrity status – even a-holes who don’t agree with you know who you are and want to engage with you (albeit in a stunningly stupid, rude, uninformed way).

    • Yeah, I have no idea what’s going on in her head but it seems like it’s probably not a place I would want to live.

      And yay for celebrity!

      ~Ragen

  13. Wow. UGH!!! I am so, so sorry this happened to you. Keep fighting the good fight. Your level of fitness is an inspiration! At least you know your message is reaching people, no matter how much some of them may be covering their ears and going “la la la . . . ” I’m writing to Ellen right now!

    • Thank you so much Kate, and thanks for wriing Ellen, that’s awesome!

      ~Ragen

  14. Also now that I think of it, it’s sad that the health=thin message has even managed to pollute the practice of exercise to the point that this person somehow thinks it’s only safe for people who are already healthy=thin to exercise. If your body doesn’t look the way they want it to then exercise is dangerous and not beneficial? Uhh what?

    • I absolutely agree – I thought about blogging that but decided I wanted to develop my ideas about it more so it’s on the list. It certainly create a really gross catch-22 situation.

      ~Ragen

  15. I’m so shocked that someone could be familiar enough with your blog to recognize you in real life, and then have the gall to think that its appropriate – or worse, charitable – to say something like that to you.

    For the record, if I saw you in real life, I would say thank you. You’ve changed how I think about health and obesity, as well as what “everyone knows to be true.”

    I would also say that your dance pictures are awesome.

    • Hi Chelsey,

      Wow, thank you. I think it’s awesome that you are open to new ideas and thanks for the compliment about my pictures!

      ~Ragen

  16. Ok..so saying I was the random stranger (unlikely because I don’t live in the USA but still..) the conversation would have gone –
    RS: ‘Aren’t you dancing with fat? OMG ARRRRGH EEEEEEEE I FREAKING LOVE YOU!!!’ etc.

    I don’t know many people who are fat and before stumbling across your blog I’d never really considered the issue before (I’m quite skinny at my height). You should know that whatever bullshit Random Stranger came up with, in this corner of the world your message has definitely gotten through. And since reading your blog I have not let one single friend of mine make any kind of negative fat comment without calling them up on it. Thank you so much.

    • If that’s the case, I would like to arrange a public meeting :) Seriously, thank you so much, your comment totally made me smile. And thank you for being an ally for health and body positivity. You totally rock!

  17. Wow. Just… wow. You have far, far more patience with this kind of rudeness than I would. I think after the second thing Random Stranger said, I would have replied “You read my blog and you still think this is a reasonable conversation to have? This discussion is OVER.”

    • Hi Lexica,

      There’s a fine line between patience and shock – just saying. Plus I really do like to go for the teachable moment – not that someone needs to agree with me but that they might reach a state where they can respect my choices. Didn’t work this time but I’ll keep trying…

      ~Ragen

  18. Ragen,

    I don’t want to give that person who said all those remarkably cruel and ignorant things any attention. There’s already too many people who believe as he/she does.

    Instead, I want to let you know how much strength your bravery, attitude, creativity and activity gives me. How beautiful your dance pictures are. I’m 5’7, 235 pounds and not nearly as active as I should be, but you give me hope.

    You are an inspiration.

    • Thank you so much, I’m really glad to hear that you are strong and hopeful and I have no doubt that you are kicking ass! You inspire me right back.

      ~Ragen

  19. I know you don’t want to give RS any more attention than she deserves, but I do seriously wish you had busted out a camera phone, snapped a photo and said something like, “I just want to make sure my readers have a face to go with the rudeness. You know, in case you ruin their coffee break.” I mean, what if this woman comes up to me and tells me I am too short or my eyes are too green and I don’t realize who she is????

    -scared to have coffee

    • Jeanine,

      Oh how I wish I would have thought of that. It’s also really sad and at least a little funny to think of her hanging out at coffee shops waiting to point out what she perceives as people’s “faults”. Call me, I’ll go to coffee with you and protect you!

      ~Ragen

  20. I just added a post to Jezebel. Not sure if it got posted, but I quoted “Men in Hats” song, “You can dance if you want to, and if you don’t dance then you’re no friend of mine.” I also inserted the you tube video
    :D
    Oh, and I wrote to Ellen. You are keeping me very active Ragen, I’m afraid I’m neglecting my own BLOG! :D You are wonderful. Thank you for what you are doing.

    • Hi Deah,

      thank you so very much for your support! I love the song and the video (I’m also a fan of the Glee version.).

      I hope that don’t neglect your blog because I love it (although I must be some kind of luddite because I cannot for the life of me figure out how to comment!)

      Seriously, a million thank you’s!

      ~Ragen

      • No…You’re not a luddite…the blog comment button just wasn’t activated…I believe it is now! :D Take care! Deah

  21. In the happy news segment, I’m thrilled to hear that the “Dancing with Duchovny” idea is gaining some steam. Your passionate, educated voice should get some big airtime, as should your beautiful dancing!

    As for the interaction, I’m a little speechless. You were more gracious than she deserved, and I gave you a mental medal for trying to be an educator. It’s unrealistic to say that I hope this never happens again, but I hope your next similar interaction is with someone less entrenched in the mainstream noise.

    • Hi Ann, (Actually, is it ok to call you Ann or do you prefer Dr. Becker-Schutte? I want to make sure that I’m respectful, if I got a Ph.D. I would have that information tattooed onto my forehead).

      Thanks for the Duchovny/Ellen love and the compliments, I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

      As to the interaction, I’m giving you a mental medal for the concept of a mental medal which I am then immediately co-opting for my own purposes, but at least I’m not doing is surreptitiously…

      ~Ragen

      • Ragen,

        Ann works just fine. That’s what I use with all my clients–while it’s fun to be “Dr. Becker-Schutte” it also creates a distance and a power dynamic that I am not in love with. (Unless I am talking to an insurance rep, and then I’ll take any scrap of power I can find.)

        And I’m happy to share the mental medal concept. :) Fun ideas need to get out in the world and bounce around.

        Warmly,
        Ann

  22. Well, you know… if you were a “proper” fat person, you’d be hiding in your home in shame and not forcing others to see your “hideous” body. No “proper” fat person would be out living a full life and dancing and being *gasp* VISIBLE!
    Thank you for this blog, Ragen. I love your posts and I love seeing a fat women out there living life. Love the pictures! You are truly lovely.

    • I know, I’m so inconsiderate making people look at me – what was I thinking and where is my mumu? Seriously, thank you so much, I’m so glad that you like the blog and the pictures :)

      ~Ragen

  23. Ragen, you are a class act, and I hope to see you dancing with Duchovny on Ellen very, very soon!

    • Thank you Mary-Ellin. I’ll keep my fingers crossed and keep all my blog readers updated!

      ~Ragen

  24. Really enjoyed this and still shocked that someone would see your performances and then tell you that you can’t dance because it’s bad for you.

    And leg press 360lb? Love it!!

  25. Love the blog.

    I’m in the opposite camp to you. I get people commenting on my thinness all the time and telling me how great I look these days. They’re very congratulatory, because I used to be a fatty – until quite recently, in fact.

    I frickin’ deserve the congratulations, too, for having survived STAGE IV CANCER. Yes, that’s how I got thin. And that’s what they’re congratulating me on.

    I got told how great I looked even when I had no eye brows, no eye lashes and a face like a waxwork mannequin, thanks to all the chemotherapy. Apparently I looked more acceptable that way.

  26. Alexie, First of all way to fight!! AND, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your post. MY cousin and good friend and I used to talk for hours about how she couldn’t stand it when people complemented her on how great she looked because she lost weight. She had Ovarian Cancer. She also had a secret thrill for a while that she could eat all the oreos she wanted and not gain weight and she felt like a horrible person for caring more about the food and the “free pass” than the fact she was dying. I had the chicken pox as an adult and lost a heap of weight, and I confess, one time, when someone told me how thin I was and how great I looked, I lied and looked at them straight in the eyes and said,”It’s the cancer.” I felt horrible and great at the same time. I suppose one of the points is, that it has to be such a B.F.D. that the whole subject gets intertwined with issues of life, death, good person, bad person,well, you know. Preaching to the choir…
    Anyway, thanks for sharing your side of the “camp.”
    My cousin would have been right there with you!

  27. First, let me just say AWESOME, as always! I was really LOL at “IMH: Deactivate your eye roll reflex! I repeat, do NOT roll your eyes.”
    I wish I had read your article before I went to Wal-mart the other day. I have some knee issues, so I ride the little electric carts around the store. I’m over in the pharmacy, I jump off the cart to grab something up high (not realizing I was being watched, and judged!) I continue on with my shopping, when a man starts making conversation with me (a RS). The conversation goes like this:
    RS: It was crazy in the pharmacy earlier, huh?
    Me: yes, I’m glad I didn’t have to pick up any meds
    RS: I know you can walk, I saw you get up off your cart.
    Me: Sure I can walk, I’ve had 3 knee surgeries, so I’m trying to take it easy on them now.
    RS: But you work?
    Me: No, I’m permanently disabled.
    RS: But you have kids? {I don’t} (There are no signs I have kids, no baby food in my cart, ect.)
    Me: That is none of your business, please get away from me!
    I dove off, but the whole thing bothered me for hours. I realized latter that this man probably targeted me for being fat and needing to ride a cart! The work and kids question were also probably that he thought I was more than likely bleeding the system! Pulling some scam. If you look at me or have a quick conversation with me you can’t tell there is an issue. So this individual, thought he had me pegged!
    I see different doctors all the time. They are always amazed at my perfect blood pressure. They also like to say, “I think you might want to loose some weight”. To which I’ve started replying, “REALLY?!?! I could do that? Wow! If only I’d thought of that YEARS AGO!

    • Hey Lauren-

      Again, I am astonished at how poorly some people have been raised. Didn’t this man’s mama ever tell him that bit about, “if you can’t say something nice…”

      I am a huge fan of responses that leave people so puzzled that they have to go off and rethink their view of reality. Should you find yourself again presented with someone saying something like, “You work?” I suggest responding, “No, I sold my internet startup a few years ago and am now independently wealthy. Since I don’t need to work, I don’t.”

      I suspect that will 99% of your poorly behaved random strangers stunned into silence.

  28. You have FAR more restraint than I have. What really boggles me that if she’s read your blog… well, how can she have read your blog? Because anyone who’s read your blog… she really can’t have read it. Seriously.

  29. The horrible, ignorant things RS said to you would have made me cry…if I wasn’t already crying from laughing so hard at what you were saying in your head! ;-)
    My favorite: “IMH: I’m not famous enough to be Punk’d, right?”
    I think what really gets me is, you *walked* into the coffee shop right? You didn’t crawl or limp or ride your scooter or pull yourself in with two canes moaning over your shattered feet because according to Random Idiot “your legs can’t take the weight of you.” Unless someone gains 100lbs *literally overnight*, they should be able to walk under their own power *barring some other completely-non-weight-related health issue.*
    RS aka Nosey McHighnmighty obviously didn’t read enough of (or comprehend whatsoever) your blog. She also clearly missed the videos of you dancing, in which you do *not* collapse under your own weight. This twip (twit+twerp) wasn’t telling you that you shouldn’t dance, she was actually challenging your reality because she just couldn’t process it. And you can’t reason with or teach people who do not have a grasp on reality.
    PS: Hope you still get to dance with David!
    PPS: I now dub thee Ragen the (Queen) Bumblebee! ;-D
    Last PS: I’m 5’2″, weigh 277lbs and dance 4 times a week: I have yet to hear anything snap or shatter. *end snark*

    • Pauline,

      I will be stealing Nosey McHighnMighty for my own use if you don’t mind!  I will be very happy to be known as Ragen the Queen Bumblebee. 

      I also love “you can’t teach people who don’t have a grasp on reality”.  I am fond of saying “I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you”.  Sometimes I just don’t get people!

      ~Ragen

  30. Ragen, you kill me! I almost laughed myself to death at “does she think I live in a pineapple under the sea”!

  31. I love the ‘experts’ on weight and health.

    They’re everywhere and just so darn caring and sharing!

    If that idiot happens to read this post, just know that you know squat. Your moralistic ‘high road’ is going nowhere (I’d like to say to hell but..) except to further line the pockets of companies that continue to perpetuate the myths and the crap at which you spurt out so people will spend more and more money for no result and which is not proven anyways (in fact might even be the reverse) to improve health!

  32. I’m thinking that this stupid RS should write a note to Biggest Loser telling them that they should immediately stop making the fat people do all those exercises. Those folks, many of whom are larger than yourself, are not being properly conditioned to exercise at that level. If exercise is supposedly bad for fat people, imagine how terrible it must be for these contestants who are not even being properly fed.
    Ah but that would make some sense, not exactly RS’s strong point.

  33. Even HAES info aside: your EXERCISE, which even pro-weight loss doctors recommend for a healthy lifestyle and which has been proven to be more effective than dieting even in small amounts- your EXERCISE is making you LESS HEALTHY? That person’s not only anti-fat, he/she’s an idiot.
    Exercise is basically the one activity that’s pretty much good for everyone, and which improves almost every health issue (or so i’ve heard). It’s ridiculous to link it to bad health, unless you’re overexercising a la “Biggest Loser.” That was truly a weird conversation.

  34. That guy was a complete monster for saying those things to you. He’ll die sooner from all the hate he perpetuates on to others, than you will.

  35. “I’m not famous enough to be Punk’d, right?”

    ROFL! OMG I laughed so hard that I woke my boyfriend up.
    Hell, if I was you in that situation I’m sure I’d be thinking the exact same thing. Holy CRAP what a douche to come up to you and say that to you, and then continue on with it when it was obviously you weren’t interested in hearing the BS anymore. I wish I could say this was surprising though, considering how many media brainwashed parrots have come up to me and told me SO helpfully that I’m fat and that I’m going to die if I don’t “change my ways”, I’m not at all surprised by this person’s ambush of you, sadly. I don’t guess many, if any, fat people get to NOT hear that kind of crap on a semi-regular basis from strangers.

    I’ve been fat since the day I was born. I’ve been fat for over 30 years, my doctors are always surprised over how my tests always come back showing that I’m healthy. My blood pressure, cholesterol levels, all of the tests they always insist on running when I have to go see a doctor for ANYTHING, they always come back “normal” and show that I’m healthy. And yet I’m told that “it’s only a matter of time” before my fatness “catches up with me” and shows the world how unhealthy that I’m SUPPOSED TO BE. I’ve been living happily and healthy in a fat body for over 30 years, but random asshats still feel the need to tell me how unhealthy I am.

    I really enjoyed this post, not because of what you went through (that makes me so sad that others have to go through the same shit I do), but because it does (and please don’t take this the wrong way) make me feel a little better that I’m not alone in this pain. As much as I wish I was, it still helps a little to know that I’m not alone in this- if that makes any sense. When I know that bright, beautiful, intelligent, and talented women like you go through the same happy horse shit that I’ve had to go through my entire life, it helps me hold my head higher. Because it may be easy to see fault in myself or internalize that there may be something wrong with ME, when I see you and other wonderful women like you, go through this too, it makes me realize that it’s really not about me, my faults, my flaws. The faults and flaws are in our culture. And though it’s something I know, and have know for a long time, it helps to be reminded of it every once in a while.

    Thank you for your courage and strength in sharing these stories and experiences, because I know that it’s very likely painful or uncomfortable to share personal stuff like this. Please know that it helps so much to know that we have stuff in common and that we’re not alone in this struggle. THANK YOU for posting your experiences. It means more than you could know!

  36. OMG! The fact you let this ball faced heffa talk like that and remain civil and give intelligent answers all the while! Bless ya lady youre better than me!


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