First of all, thank you so much for the great response so far to the Better Than the Bullies campaign. On to today’s blog:
I have had just about enough of this whole “Save the Fatties” campaign. Jillian Michaels says that it’s ok to verbally and emotionally abuse us because she’s “saving our lives”. Doctors say that it’s ok to ignore our symptoms (sprained wrists, broken bones, rashes, intense back pain, cancer) and treat our body size because “no matter what’s wrong with us we’ll be healthier if our bodies are smaller”. Perfect strangers feel like they should question our food choices, make assumptions and comments about our habits, our health, our fitness for parenthood and politics because it’s “for our own good”. People at the gym, including employees, assume that we are beginner exercisers and encourage us in our quest for weight loss without bothering to ask us how long we’ve worked out or if we’re even trying to lose weight because they want to “encourage us”. People actually think it’s ok to ask “Should we accept obesity?” Seriously. As if fat bodies are someone else’s to accept or reject.
This has got to stop. If you do one or more of the things that I just mentioned, then this is for you:
This is not a tree, I am not a kitten, you are not a firefighter come to climb your little ladder and rescue me. My fat body is not a message to you that I am somehow incapable of taking care of myself or making decisions about my health. The only thing that you can tell from looking at my body is what size I am, and what your prejudices and stereotypes about my size are. Deal with them or don’t, that’s up to you; but I have no obligation to be the pillow that you beat with a tennis racket trying to work out your issues – trust me when I tell you that “emotional punching bag” is not just another free service I offer.
I am perfectly capable of making decisions about myself, my food, my exercise, and my health, thank you. If I want your opinion I swear you will be among the very first to know. I can tell you right now that I have no interest in your advocacy, saving me, or commenting without invitation. You and your grossly over-exaggerated sense of self-importance need to climb down off your little ladder and go somewhere that is else, you are not welcome here.
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I do size acceptance activism full time. A lot what I do, like answering over 5,000 e-mails from readers each month, giving talks to groups who can’t afford to pay, and running projects like the Georgia Billboard Campaign etc. is unpaid, so I created a membership program so that people who read the blog and feel they get value out of it and/or want to support the work I do can become members for ten bucks a month To make that even cooler, I’ve now added a component called “DancesWithFat Deals” which are special deals to my members from size positive merchants. Once you are a member I send out an e-mail once a month with the various deals and how to redeem them – your contact info always stays completely private.
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The regular e-mail blog subscription (available at the top right hand side of this page) is always completely free. If you’re curious or uncomfortable about any of this, you might want to check out this post. Thanks for reading! ~Ragen
I think this is an awesome empowering idea. I do have a question. Is the new page restricted to just dealing with bullies pertaining to obesity or bullies in general? Bullies know no boundaries.
It’s for any kind of bullying, not just that based on fat or size!
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Brilliant, Ragen. Thank you!
What I cannot help but wonder at times is how we can get this message across to agencies/organizations who have set themselves up to be the arbiters of our lives: “”National Organization on Obesity,” “Doctors With Obese Patients,” etc. What can one say to an entire agency that purports to tell us how concerned it is about our fat selves (besides the fact that there are no fat people on its board and no representation of the view that fat people are basically doing all right when they get evidence-based medical care and live without encountering reminders that they are stigmatized for their size)?
Personally, I think pointing out the absurdity of the matter is vital. It’s no different than taxation without representation, except these taxes are on our bodies and souls, not our incomes.
I love this. When confronted, concern trolls collapse in the fetal position and say, “But I was just trying to help!” Fuck that shit. You wanna help? Stop stigmatizing fat people and start treating EVERYONE with respect. If monitoring the health decisions of others is a moral imperative, then I suggest we begin detailed health audits that probe deeper than the layers of fat that people get hung up on. If you can give me advice about my weight, then I can give you advice about the chronic stress that comes with being a nosy, judgmental assbag.
Peace,
Shannon
That was brilliant. Thank you.
The more often & the more firmly we speak up, the better. The more people we reach, the better. I was reading my favorite disability blog this morning, written by a Canadian man who is both fat & disabled, & he posted about the fat newscaster who took a stand against being bullied. Most of the comments I saw on his blog were positive & supportive, if not very enlightened about the fact that fat doesn’t really cause shortened life or worse health, but the first one was from a woman who claims her whole life & health have been destroyed by being fat & she doesn’t consider the emailer who concern-trolled the newscaster to be a bully, he is just pointing out what is true, that she would be better off if she were thin & that a fat person should not be on tv & the usual mess of drivel. I confess that I didn’t read her entire comment, because I have been in this fight for over 32 years, have read & heard all these arguments, & I am just thoroughly fed up with all the lies & myths, the beliefs, & even more fed up with the fact that so many fat people embrace the fat hatred themselves. I strongly suspect that this woman’s life has not been ‘destroyed’ by her fat, but by her total belief in & acceptance of the attitudes of our culture & her own self-hatred. It is unfortunate but true that some of the worst, most passionate enemies of fat acceptance are fat people.
Indeed, they are taxing our bodies, our souls, trying to deprive us of ownership of our bodies & our lives. People who in most ways would not think of trying to interfere in someone else’s lives think nothing of telling us that we are digging our graves with our forks, that we are better than this, we deserve better, that we are weak, greedy, lazy. Our bodies belong to us & how we live in them & what size they are is no one’s business but our own.
I already thought you were awesome but then you threw a Wizard of Oz reference in the iVillage piece so that makes you super awesome! Seriously though, thank you so much for all you do.
I made the VERY SEVERE mistake of watching South Park last night with my friend while I was visiting her (we were both pretty much over the presidential debate) and they sent out a pretty clear message that it is just A-OK to hate and shame fat people. In fact, by NOT hating and shaming fat people we are low class like Honey Boo-Boo (who is six) and her family.
To top it off they referred to this 6 year old child as “fat as a whale” and “repulsive.” Some how, that’s not low class apparently.
The whole episode ended with Michelle Obama literally beating the crap out of a fat kid. Get it? She’s “fighting childhood obesity!”
Save the fatties! By hating them and beating the crap out of them. Barf.
Actually, that sounds like the most honest assessment of the first lady’s project I’ve heard of in mass media.
…Unintentionally honest, at that.
It sounds like an accurate expression of the media’s id concerning fat people, too.
Love the project! And can I just say thank you for the mention of people trying to be nice by “encouraging” you when they don’t know anything about your healthy eating and exercise? I have a kickboxing knee injury so while I’m healing I joined a gym to swim on the mornings I usually kickbox. The lady at the desk is always saying things like “Good for you! I’m proud of you! Way to come back!” I have felt very guilty for feeling grumpy about this because she is just trying to be nice. Glad to know it isn’t just me that doesn’t appreciate being patronized.
Need your opinions. We are going to see family and friends soon. I know without a doubt I will get the “for your health” speech. I am ready for them. You see, we dont have health insurance. My reply will be “If you care so much about my health, then buy me some heath insurance as I cant afford to see a doctor….” What do you think?
Thanks Marla
That’s a good retort. You deserve to be treated with respect. If you don’t find their ‘health advice’ respectful, tell them so. Your personal body is not their business. If you continue to meet with disrespect you don’t have to stay in that situation.
For some reason, my response early this morning to your great piece on iVillage wasn’t posted on that site. This is what I said: <> Thank you, Ragen, for your awesome work. You ROCK!
(hmmmm, maybe the -enclosed quote got deleted?) Beautifully done, Jennifer Livingston, for your televised response to a fatphobic (and by the way sexist) e-mail from a bully posing as a concerned citizen. Contrary to his hateful comments, you are actually an AWESOME role model for. . .all of us! And beautiful job as usual, Ragen Chastain, for calling it what it is. Chastain says, “This is not complicated: Everybody has the right to exist in the body they have without shame, stigma or oppression.” Really, it’s as simple as that.
I love this post, and I really can’t add much more to this, except to say that this is something I wish people would grasp about their “treat fat people like crap For Their Own Good”. Bullying someone “for their own good”, is still bullying, and it’s still wrong. It doesn’t matter how nice the person thinks they’re being or how polite the tone is.
I used to get that line a lot in school, accpanied with “Well if you lost weight, or changed X the bullying would stop!” Uh how about you as Admins and as the Principal get up off your lazy butts and do something about it?
After 10 years of complete and utter hell at the hands of my peers with no help I did something about it, I didn’t change, I charged them all (and took the school’s name through the mud at the same time) with harassment, harassment causing bodily harm, and harrassment causing mental trauma. I can tell you the bullies changed after being told that they would be facing jail time and a fine of $1500 each.
Do people hate me for standing up for myself? Yes, but in the end bullying can be a chargeable offense. Bullying is abuse, and no one asks nor deserves to be abused.
Reminds me of something my Granddaughter had to deal with. She is an honor student. She was being interviewed for a college prep school. She was 11 yrs old at the time. She is fat. She asked the principal what her policy was on bullying. The principal said, “As long as you eat healthy there shouldnt be a problem”. Glad I wasnt there. Needless to say, she is still in public school and is doing very well.
Good for you! I have sadly found that many many teachers and school administrators are perfectly happy to stand by and allow bullying to happen (or worse, blame the victim). Sad but even though I was fat later on in school, I was actually bullied worse when I was younger and I wasn’t even fat then. I was bullied for how I talked, for having a hearing aid, for having the family I did, for basically daring to live in a small town and not being related to anyone else but my own family (lots of cousins in the area, and practically everyone was married/intermarried and therefore related). Teachers did nothing about it but blame me and I was SO glad when I finally left that school. The damage had been done though, never really did trust kids my age after that or really any kids.
Janeen, I barely trust anyone now. I have maybe three people I trust and my cats. That is it, being bullied from grade 2 until the day you graduate does a lot of damage. Yet people think it is ok because you are fat “it is for your own good.” and all other bullshittyierylines that make my bitch slap and punch face reflexes come on.
Fatlology 101. I probably would have been “excuse me? Where is it your right to dictate what she can’t and can’t eat? Oh wait it isn’t!” and forget flipping a table it woulda been his desk if anyone ever said that to my kid.
I wasnt there when the principal said that. Had I been, I would have done time in jail. Marla
The “nanny state” mentality helps no-one. My son’s dad and I were having this discussion as we were driving home. (We’ve been divorced since 1994, nothing romantic. We live in the same house for monetary reasons, including the fact that he’s unable to work at this point.) The company where I work and he used to work made a rule that there is to be no smoking anywhere on company grounds. So now the smokers have to go out to the sidewalk like lepers instead of having a nice tidy smoking area by the dock like they used to. To me, this is honestly uncivilized. It is not saying that the company approves of smoking to provide a smoking area for employees. However, it is saying “we’re a bunch of sanctimonious assholes” when you force people to “smoke in shame.”
What does this have to do with people thinking that it’s okay to shame people for being fat? It’s that same sanctimonious, asshole mentality. “I’m holier than thou, therefore I have a right to make you feel bad about yourself.” Whatever happened to common decency? It is fast going the way of the dinosaurs.
This has been an illustration of the way a bipolar mind works. It takes two seemingly unrelated things and makes correlations. Just trust me on this.