I got an e-mail today that said “I don’t care how athletic you are, there is no such thing as a fat athlete.” Why would someone use their limited time on Earth to send me this? Who the hell knows. But it got me thinking about the way that so many people try to maintain their sense of superiority/maintain their stereotypes/oppress fat people by creating “thin only clubs.” They tell us that being an athlete isn’t just about athletics – but you also have to be thin; being stylish isn’t just about style, you also have to be thin; you have to be thin to be beautiful; you have to be thin to be sexy; you have to be thin to like your body and on and on and on.
At its base, this is about creating clubs that exclude people based on how they look – whether the club is athletes, fashionistas, or just confident people who are happy with their bodies. I think a lot of it stems from people who have built their self-esteem on a foundation of weight bullying and fat shame. Their self-esteem is predicated upon the idea that they are automatically better than a fat person because they are thin. Since they can only feel good about themselves by convincing themselves that they are better than someone else, they have to protect this at all costs – their self-esteem requires that the fatties go along with the idea that we can’t be part of these clubs until we are thin.. When this is threatened, whether its by a fathlete, fatshionista, or just a fat person rocking a bikini on the beach, they seek to restore the balance of power by insisting that thin is a prerequisite for the “club”.
I suggest that we just say nay, and insist on our place in the club. You don’t have to want to be an athlete, but if you want to. you can be an athlete an any size (and the Fit Fatties Forum has over 1,000 fathletes of all abilities proving that.) You don’t have to care about fashion but if it interests you then you can be a fashionista at any size.
Those who think that they get to decide the identities we claim for ourselves are making a massive Underpants Rule violation. They are laboring under the misapprehension that they are the Underpants Overlord of fat people’s identities - that we need their consent or acceptance to claim our status as athletes, fashionistas, sexy, beautiful, or confident. The truth is that they only have that power if we give it to them. So we can simply claim and own these identities for ourselves and reject the idea that it’s anyone else’s job to tell us what we can or can’t be. So if someone tells you that you can’t be what you are unless you are thin, you have some options in reply (we’ll use athlete as an example but you can substitute fashionista, beautiful, sexy, etc.) Also, remember that these are just suggestions, if they don’t resonate with you then obviously you’re free to ignore them! If you have some ideas of your own, feel free to throw them in the comments:
“What in the world…I mean…what in the WORLD, would make you think that you get to tell me what I can be?”
“Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, – you actually think you can tell me whether or not I’m an athlete – dude, that’s hilarious.”
“I was not aware that you were made Underpants Overlord of the Athletes – I’m going to need to see the decree.”
(looking genuinely perplexed “Sorry…I’m just having trouble imagining what would lead you to believe that I care what you think.”
“Oh, I see you’re looking for your beeswax. Sorry, but it’s definitely not here.”
Or you can not respond at all, regardless remember that it’s always about how your reaction makes you feel about you and never about the bully.
Update: Speaking of bullies: Don’t forget to check out the Better than the Bullies Project and maybe consider adding your own submission!
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“There are no fat [insert identity/occupation here]!”
…and of course when you point out evidence to the contrary, they either demonstrate hey don’t actually care about evidence, or they claim “that’s a rare exception and I’m still right!”. It’s not about the truth, it’s about them bolstering their own wrong beliefs.
We saw it writ large (heh) re fat athletes when people pointed out all the chubby and fat athletes in the London Olympics. The fat-haters insisted that despite these people being elite/professional sportspeople, they weren’t *really* athletes. *eyeroll* Sure, whatever, presumably their national selectors for the team just let them represent their country because they felt sorry for them for thinking fatties could be real athletes. I’m being facetious there but I can’t help thinking that some of the deniers probably actually think something like that!
I actually had that conversation with a fat hater in re: the Olympics. The Italians had just taken gold in men’s archery, and they were definitely larger in waistline than the American team they beat. When I pointed that out, she said: “That’s not really athletic.”
I defy her to pick up those bows and say the same again.
Also, she had no answer for the sumo wrestler who also runs marathons, and still looks like a sumo wrestler. She just couldn’t wrap her tiny mind around the concept that either sumos are athletic or the one that marathons aren’t ‘exercise’ that automatically make all people thin.
It was kind of fun watching her try to parse it out in a brain that refuses to see possibilities beyond a ridiculously narrow binary choice.
Alas, she finally decided it didn’t matter because – wait for it – he’s the one single exception in the world.
Of course he is, dear.
And I am Marie of Romania.
What’s interesting to me is the idea that you have to be thin to like your body or to be confident and happy – yet we constantly see stories about thin, beautiful celebrities etc who after years of hiding it, admit to eating disorders and often decades of hating themselves – even while they were thin and beautiful as far as society perceived them. It boggles my mind that weight loss companies and fat haters in general cling to the idea that thin people are by default happy and confident when so many of them have publicly confessed to being miserable in their own skin because they were never able to feel perfect enough to fit society’s standards. The people I’ve met who seem to be truly happy and confident tend not to be the super-skinny or traditionally beautiful people, but those who have embraced their differences and revel in not conforming to the ‘accepted’ standards of size, beauty, behavior etc.
This is a timely e-mail for me. Last week I was horseback riding with a large group of friends in the Big South Fork, TN region at a private campground. We were all sitting around the campfire talking about our lives and activities. There was a fellow there who is not an employee of the campground, but just hangs around a lot. I stated how I like to ride-not very far or fast and also mentioned that this week I would be traveling to a national conference in Los Angeles where I will be presenting a workshop to a crowd of approximately 1,000 people. This crude dude looked at me and said “As big as you are, I am surprised you can do any of those things”. I was so caught off guard and dumbstruck that I had no reply for this bumpkin. I especially like your perplexed response of “Gee, I’m having a hard time understanding why you would think that I care what you think”.
I am still fuming.
He must go around being surprised by large portions of reality.
Yesterday I watched C.C.Sabathia pitch 8 2/3 innings in a post season victory. I noticed the way, when he pitched, everything jiggled a bit – except, of course, the ball, which went *exactly* where he wanted it to go.
No, of course most fat people don’t pitch the way he does. Most thin people don’t pitch the way he does. Hell, most Major League Pitchers don’t pitch the way he does… and most of them these days can’t pitch 8+ innings. That takes more endurance than most have, as well as the strength and control. I’m not sure what you can ask of an athlete beyond strength, dexterity, and endurance…
I dare you to go in the Yankee clubhouse today and tell them that C.C. isn’t an athlete…
One thing I’m finding I like about baseball is the recognition that there just are different body types, and they are good for different activities – and, therefore, different positions. You don’t expect the shortstop to be your power hitter – he’s usually slight, wiry, often the shortest guy on the team, and fast. You don’t expect your first baseman to steal bases – he’s solid, strong, and hits well. The pitcher is tall and strong, but usually doesn’t hit so well. They can all hit, they can all throw, they can all run – all much better than the average guy on the street – but they have different strengths. And that’s fine.
You find the same thing in competitive women’s softball. I love watching the women play the college world series each spring because it seems like all types of women are represented: short, muscular, tall, lanky, thick and thin. Further, some are all dolled up in makeup and ribbons, some with no makeup or more decoration. I find the collection of women on each team absolutely fascinating and empowering.
I guess I’m just really lucky/blessed, but I’ve NEVER had one of these conversations – I do musical theatre, and the closest it’s ever been was discussing how I was pissed that they clearly padded a normal-sized girl to be the Tracie in the Hairspray cruise ship during the Tonies and someone said “well, it’s hard to find bigger girls that can also dance that,” but when I pushed the issue they very quickly clarified that they meant that few fat women show up to dance calls, which is objectively true in the auditions I’ve attended. I’ve always felt like I was respected as a person and an artist at my size, even if it limits the roles for which I’m available.
I’m not sure what I would do if I found myself in these situations. My usual MO with any ignorance-caused bigotry is to respond with warmth and offer to have a sit-down with them or help them do some research so they can form a more educated opinion, so I suppose it would be the same there?
I really, really want to see someone tell the offensive linemen on the average football team that they aren’t athletes. Particularly, the ones that play the sport professionally and get paid for it.
Also, I’m a fat athlete and to heck with anyone that tells me otherwise.
My newly designed response: “Of course I’m not a ______! I’m a unicorn who farts rainbows! Wanna see?” (followed by eyeroll)
Wish the “I’m better than you clubs” weren’t just weight based, they truly aren’t. People use all kinds of different ways to rank themselves higher.. beliefs, beliefs about manners, education, life choices, the list goes on. Stereotypes and oppression are what we fight daily, and the fight can be so very tiring.
Yes, unfortunately I have seen the education/intelligence rankings often in the FA community. It mostly takes the form of insults aimed at fat-biased people. (“That jerk needs to work on his reading comprehension skills. He’s so dumb he can’t understand X about fat acceptance. Bwaa haa haa that troll used the word ‘loose’ instead of ‘lose,’ what an idiot! He needs to read more and use Hooked on Phonics.”) As the sister of someone with a learning disability, and as the daughter of someone who has worked with the developmentally disabled community for the past 30 years, I cringe whenever I read those types of insults. It’s the same to me as if you were making fun of the fat-biased because of a physical disability. (“Ha ha ha, that fat-phobe only has one leg! What a one-legged loser! He should get another leg before he criticizes fat!”) Let’s all please remember that traditional intelligence is MORE heritable than weight (80% vs. 70%).
My dearest wish is just that these assholes wouldn’t always appear to blindside me with these bullshit comments, especially when I’m already in the middle of a perfectly nice day where I feel good about what I look like and what I’m doing.
It’s like they’re just so miserable that they have to wait until they see someone THEY think doesn’t “deserve” to be happy that they must run up and shit all over your perfectly nice day. At least if they were somewhat obvious about it, you could run them off with a stick before they close enough to shit in your latte. >_>
My go-to response is “Who are you and why do I care?”
You don’t really get the opportunity to do the ‘teaching experience’ thing, but I’ve never been very good at those anyway.
There’s also “Wow, you really just said that” – it’s a classic for a reason!
I have two words for the “no fat athletes” idiot: Babe. Ruth.
I sometimes feel like the prevailing idea is that thin is the canvas on which all the art of the body is painted. If you don’t start with a thin socially appropriate body then you can’t do amazing and beautiful things with your body. I sometimes feel like even though there is more of me then some people think there should be that I don’t have a canvas at all, I am just empty space that nothing can be created upon. When I feel this way I say ‘fuck that’ and keep creating, most of the time.
I love make-up. I create my own wonderful colors and do all sorts of lovely things to my face, from classic looks to Hulk green lips. When I do my make-up I feel artistic and good about myself but sometimes people seem weird that someone who does not have the correct canvas would bother to paint. With make-up, fashion, and even most exercise I don’t let the haters win.
I did however let them win with hooping. I got really into hoop dancing for a while. I practiced for hours a day and I got good. I loved it. Lots of the people I know hoop dance or enjoy hoop dancing. So when people broke out the hoops I would get mine and go at it. At first I did not notice that people sort of air brushed me out of their world because I was having so much fun, but after about a year I figured it out. At every event I went to if people were taking pictures they were never of me. If people were standing around watching people hoop the thin girl just hooping around her waist had a crowd around her, while I was standing on one leg with the hoop around my knee going “hey, guys, check this out”. I hooped because I liked it, but I wanted other people to like it to. I wanted some “wow, good job Kitty!”. Once I realized that people were not taking pictures or watching me I got it into my head that my hoop dancing bothered them. Watching my fat sliding around from side to side and watching me jiggle made them uncomfortable. And while a big part of me wanted to be mad and just do what I want, the majority of me became embarrassed. So I stopped hooping in public, then a few months later I stopped hooping at home. I still have hoops hanging on the wall, and when I look at them I feel sad. I am not going to take them down though, because someday I will get over this and not care what they think or say.