Last Years Cholesterol Test:
Doctor: Step on the scale.
Dr: To get your weight
Me: How is that relevant to a cholesterol test?
Dr: If you’re overweight that can contribute to high cholesterol.
Me: (laughing hysterically) IF I’m overweight? Doesn’t this job require that you have decent eyesight?
Dr: (not amused) Step on the scale.
Me: No thank you.
Me: Move on.
Dr. Takes blood pressure (116/70)
Dr: Take 3 more times
Me: My blood pressure is typically about 117/70, is there a problem?
Dr: I doubt these results.
Me: You took it 4 times, are you typically incompetent at this?
Dr: Let’s move on.
Dr: What drugs are you taking.
Dr: You should consider a Statin Drug
Me: Shouldn’t we take the test first?
Dr: If you insist
Me: In fact I do
Dr. does blood test
Results: Chol 170 (goal is less than 200), HDL 49 (goal is more than 40), Triglycerides 119 (goal is less than 150)
Me: According to this chart, my results are "Exceptional" even for a thin person, right?
Dr. I doubt these results.
Me: I’m leaving now.
Paid over $200.00 for the experience (I’m self-insured)
This Year’s Cholesterol Test
Went to People’s Pharmacy in Austin, they are so completely awesome!!!!!!!!
Olivia greeted me pleasantly, did the test.
Results: Chol: 169, HDL 51, Triglycerides 118
Olivia: This is exceptional, you are great!
Me: Thank you so much for being so pleasant and not give me the "Hey, you’re fat speech" before you did the test.
Olivia: People have done that?
Me: Yup! Doctors.
Olivia: They must have felt silly when they saw the results.
Me: Nope, they doubted the results.
Paid $35.00 for the experience.
The morals of the story:
- People’s Pharmacy Rocks
- I’m a morbidly obese (DEATH FAT!!!!) very fit professional athlete with a blood panel that is Exceptional!
- I’ve only been to the doctor 5 times in the last 5 years (for routine physicals) so I guess my fat ass isn’t too much of a DRAIN on the healthcare system
- There are probably lots more like me
- Suck it, Fat Police