I occasionally get e-mails from men who are Big Beautiful Women appreciators. I got a particularly strange one today so I thought I’d share it with you:
I didn’t read your blog (not much interested in words) but I saw a video of you dancing. You are so hot and sexy. Usually I only like girls who are 350lbs+ so you are smaller than what I normally like but I still think you are big and beautiful. Don’t worry, a little of my cooking will put some meat on your bones! See, it’s better than other guys, you could gain weight and that would be ok by me. I have a house with a hot tub, and no one around so you don’t need a swimsuit. Hit me back we could have an awesome first date, I’d appreciate every inch of you. I just want you to know I like big girls, the bigger the better, I don’t care about race, height, hair color, brains or nothing as long as they’re big.”
Ok, let’s break it down:
“I didn’t read your blog.”
Points for honesty.
“You are smaller than what I normally like but I think you are still big and beautiful.”
I’m not sure I’d have lead with this dude. I’m not getting that “I’m a lucky girl” feeling I think you’re going for because to you it seems like a plus that I’m not what you normally like but I still kind of make the cut.
“Don’t worry, a little of my cooking will put some meat on your bones!”
Points for originality. Suffice to say that I do NOT hear this one everyday. I’m feeling pretty good about my meatiness level, but thanks.
“See, it’s better than other guys, you could gain weight and that would be ok by me. “
Huh? Way to make broad-based assumptions about other men. Out of curiosity, what would happen if got sick and lost a bunch of weight? I’m guessing the relationship prognosis would not be good.
“I have a house with a hot tub, and no one around so you don’t need a swimsuit. Hit me back we could have an awesome first date, I’d appreciate every inch of you.”
Slow down there, Sparky. I’m a “let’s go to a coffee shop on our first date so that if this is a disaster we can get the hell out” kind of girl. Not so much with the “Nice to meet you, let’s get naked” first date action. It’s just a personal preference.
“I just want you to know I like big girls, the bigger the better, I don’t care about race, height, hair color, brains or nothing as long as they’re big.”
Gosh, I don’t know what to say. No, seriously, I don’t. Wait…it’s coming to me…
WHAT. THE. HELL? I will never understand this. It seems like whenever I get an e-mail like this they take great pains to say that nothing else about me matters, as long as I’m big. How is that a plus? It feels a little manipulative, as if maybe he assumes that I don’t like anything about myself and I’ll just be overjoyed that someone is interested in me at all?
I’ve had people say that I would be the perfect girlfriend except that they aren’t attracted to big bodies. While that’s frustrating, I find it WAY less creepy than someone who is only attracted to me because of the current size of my body.
Dude, don’t feel bad that I’m going to reply with a “no thanks”, I’m actually saving you from a heaping helping of heart-ache. You may think that you want me based on my body, but trust me when I tell you that you are wholly unprepared for the onslaught of personality oddities that this body contains. Let me state for the record that I have many qualities that make me an excellent girlfriend, but only if you also find my “chock full o’ quirkiness” personality endearing. A few examples:
- I leave cupboard drawers open. Sometimes I walk into my kitchen and every drawer is open and I have no idea how long it’s been like that.
- I sing. Badly. All the time.
- If I hear a song that I like, I will get up and dance to it..not dance…perform! As if there are people watching. I might back up the track to get that choreography just right. If you’re lucky my dance will be accompanied by the aforementioned bad singing.
The list goes on. I’ve dated and been friends with lots of people who found my quirky awkwardness an endearing addition to the qualities that they appreciate. It’s all part of my “charm” as it where. But if you’re just here for my body, I think you’re probably going to head for the hills when I’m dancing and singing along to “Don’t Rain on My Parade” in the kitchen with every cupboard door open.
And that brings me to my point. Physicality is fleeting and we all deserve better than someone who only loves us for what they can see in a picture. Embrace the quirky awesomeness that is you and find someone else who does the same.