I got an e-mail today from a reader who prefers to remain anonymous asking for my opinion about the Silly Love Songs episode of GLEE and asking me to blog about fat dating for Valentine’s day. I’m not going to blog about Glee yet because it’s pretty new and I want to see where it’s going. But I will blog about fat dating.
All of the quotes you are about to read are from my actual love life, such as it has been. I agree with Marie Osmond about at least one thing: If you’re going to look back and laugh, you might as well laugh now – so feel free. To be clear, the “bitter, jaded and proud of it”, the “hot and cold”, the “mamma’s boy”, the “liar liar pants on fire”, and the “Why Work on Your Issues When You Can Make Them Your Identity” all have their place on the list of dating don’ts that I did. But this particular blog is just about the ones that relate being a fatty. Enjoy:
My Funny Valentine
This declaration of love could not mince more, and typically includes a super-awkward pause followed by an equally awkward, stilted euphemism, finishing up with some quality speed talking: “Sure, you’re…, …, …, a… little on the…you know… big…ger side, butIlikeyouanyway.” With a little more practice you might get “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts” [sincere smile].
A date once serenaded me, in front of people, with the song My Funny Valentine. I gave myself a headache trying to smile and keep the horror out of my eyes as I heard the words “Your looks are laughable, unphotographable …Is your figure less than greek? Is your mouth a little meek? When your open it to speak, are you smart?”
Yeah…no. If your declaration of love includes any phrase that means “in spite of”, or if you’re hoping to get some after calling my looks laughable, you should probably rethink your strategy because I’m going to hold out for a better offer.
The Only Exception
I can’t even count the number of times that someone who has been interested in dating me has told me “I’ve never been attracted to big girls, but I’m attracted to you”.
I suppose I could be flattered, but I never am. For one thing, this often turns out to be just a “My Funny Valentine” in disguise. Even if it’s not, after we’d been dating for a while I found that dating someone who doesn’t find people who look like me attractive is disconcerting at best. That’s my issue for sure but it just doesn’t work for me. Moving right along…
Does. Not. Get. It.
I’m very clear about being a Size Acceptance activist and practicing Health at Every Size (as you may have noticed). And yet even after having lots of open, honest communication I’ve had to walk out on dates that included calorie counting and weight loss advice. I know (but did not date) someone who who prefers fat girls, but believes us all to be unhealthy and destined for health issues. I could not deal with that.
The bottom line:
I hate to do two quotes in one blog (ok, I totally don’t because I’m an inspiration junkie): Better alone than in bad company. (Thank you George Washington). You decide what you deserve. I know a lot of people who’ve consciously settled for less than they wanted, and I’ve certainly given it the old college try. But for me, I’ve decided that I absolutely deserve someone who loves not just the present that is me, but the gift wrap as well.
Bonus Bad Date:
This is an extension of Does. Not. Get. It. that was so out of control that it got it’s own post: Reading Comprehension in the Age of Internet Dating