Completing the “If you’re looking for your beeswax it’s not over here” trifecta, I bring you today’s blog.
My blog was mentioned in a woman’s forum where they were talking positively about my work, which was nice. But then these apparently rational, seemingly kind-hearted, at least open to the idea of Health at Every Size women, went on a rampage about how other women dress.
This has happened to me. I’ve told the story before of Cindi, the dance judge who told me that she “couldn’t stand to look at me” because I was wearing the dress pictured above and she could see my bare arms.
I see this all the time in any number of guises, from the blatant “can you believe that she’s wearing that” to the “it’s for her own good that’s just not flattering on her”:
If you’re not blueberry or chocolate chip then I don’t want to see your muffin top.
Great, I’m not blueberry or chocolate chip so go ahead and look somewhere else. (And no points for the play on words..it’s just weak all around.)
You’ve just got to find clothes that hide your flaws.
I don’t just got to do anything and my body doesn’t have any flaws, it’s perfect the way it is (and if next week it’s 10 pounds heavier or lighter, it will be perfect then too).
I don’t even want to see thin women wearing tight clothing.
Just. Don’t. Look.
I always wear very modest, figure flattering clothes.
Awesome, rock that shit. How does this affect anyone else’s clothing choices?
I just think that big girls should wear dark clothing.
I just think you should bite me.
I’m not hating on fat people but I don’t want to see fat bodies.
You are totally hating on fat people and a disclaimer doesn’t change that. In the South we use “bless her heart” for this purpose and it doesn’t hold water either.
In short, if you’re looking for your beeswax, you won’t find it in someone else’s wardrobe choices.
I’m not saying that you need to put on a bikini to prove that you love your body. You don’t have to be naked to prove your body love. What I am saying is that Spandex are in fact a right and not a privilege, regardless of what you may have heard. What I am also saying is that if you think I’m obligated to wear Spanx you can think again.
I’m not much of a fatshionista and so my clothing is typically about comfort and what I like. But at the most recent More Cabaret performance I wore fishnets, a red lace bra, and tiny mini skirt and I rocked that outfit. Still, plenty of people would say that at my size I should hang up my fishnets and go mumu shopping. Lucky for me, it’s not their business.
It works figuratively and literally – we are the boss of our own underpants (and the rest of our wardrobe) and nobody else’s.
It doesn’t matter how you do it, or what your intentions are, I would ask you to consider that this type of discussion is nothing more than thinly veiled body hate and that you are better than body snarking. So maybe people should dress in whatever way makes them happy and if you don’t like it there are a lot of other things to look at…what do you say?