Hold the Concern Please

beeswaxI keep hearing people suggest that it’s their moral obligation to tell fat people that we need to lose weight, exercise more, or that if someone sees a fat child they need to say something to the caregiver. I’ve been part of any number of conversations where people who had no business or permission to talk to me about my weight or health (and let’s remember they are two separate things) did so.

First of all, we know that you can’t tell anything from someone’s body size other than what size their body is, and what prejudices you hold about that body.  Even if these people’s assumptions about fat people were true, the behavior would still not be justified.

I often respond by saying, with finality,”I’m not taking unsolicited opinions about my health, thank you.”   What I think in my head is more along the lines of No. No no no no no no no.  No. First of all, how much of an idiot do you have to be to talk to me as if I’ve never heard that I should lose weight.  Do you think I’ve never seen a TV commercial? Listened to the radio?  Looked the hell around?  Do you think I live under a very large rock?  By my count I get about 386,170 messages a year that my body is wrong.  I’ve been fat for at least 27 of my 36 years so that’s 10,426,590 times that I’ve been told that my body is wrong. If I was going to buy into that bullshit I would have done it already.  So how about you trust me when I tell you that the 10,426,591st first time is NOT the charm.

I think that when someone feels this strong of a need to “save a fatty”, it’s often really much more about their own ego than the person they are supposedly so concerned about.  Like an ambitious relief pitcher, they want to get credit for the save.  I call this “Pulling a Jillian” as in Jillian Michaels, ego maniac from The Biggest Loser, who can’t stop talking about how she’s saving lives and she’s making people healthy, she’s doing this and she’s doing that blah blah blah. Newsflash Jillian, if you really cared about people we would be hearing a whole lot less about you.

I am a grown ass woman making choices.  That is my right. Just like other people get to make choices for themselves.  You can decide that your path to health is a raw foods diet, vegan, vegetarian, liquid diet, whatever.  I don’t get to decide how you live, it’s not my business.  I get to make choices for my body and you have no right to question those choices. (And if you’re even thinking about making a “but my tax dollars pay for fatties” argument, head over here.)

The bottom line here is very simple:  This is not a tree and I am not a kitten so you can put your ladder away. Thank you.

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Published in: on June 17, 2013 at 1:31 pm  Comments (54)  

54 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. It’s so ingrained that many people don’t even realize what they’re doing, and they absolutely don’t hear what we say back.

    If I had a dollar for every time I’ve had someone tell me about their ‘fabulous’ new diet that really, really works for absolutely EVERYONE and kept prattling about it after I say in no uncertain terms that I have no interest in hearing about it and no intention of trying it… let’s just say I’d be able to afford a lot more pretty dresses today.

    Sometimes when I know they aren’t going to hear my ‘no’ I simply walk away. When I can’t do that, I tend to say loudly ‘so, how about that local sports franchise?’

    Scarily enough, there have been times when they don’t seem to even notice those blatant tactics.

    I do, however, always start with more subtle attempts at changing the subject followed by a firm statement that I am not interested in dieting, period.

    When they do hear, most often they start by goggling at me in shock that anyone wouldn’t want to follow the latest miracle diet… excuse me, ‘lifestyle change that will lead to mega-weightloss.’ They simply don’t know what to do with it as a concept. After all, they didn’t even notice my ‘what you can tell about fat people by looking at them’ shirt or my scarlet fat necklace. Why should they hear what I actually say with my mouth?

    • scarlet fat necklace?! I need that! Tell me more!

  2. Oh, god… I hate The Biggest Loser and Jillian Michaels. That entire show disgusts me.

    One summer – when I was doing The Diet That Shall Not Be Named (okay, Weight Watchers) – I was taking a summer course. It was hot and I was early for class, so I got a FAT FREE fudge bar from a vending machine and took it to class. I sat down, prepared to eat it and one of my classmates, whom I did not know at all, comes over.

    “Should you really be eating that?” She said.

    I was dumbfounded. What I said was, “well, actually it’s fat free and 2 points on Weight Watchers, so yes… I should be eating it.”

    What I wish I said is, “how is it any of your business what I eat? You’re a complete stranger, and even if you were NOT, it would STILL not be your business.”

    Or… “I want it, so yes… I should.”

    This was a great example of someone not only jumping to conclusions about my body and health, but even about the FOOD I was eating… it looked “bad,” so she assumed it was.

  3. The other thing is “friends” who feel the need to comment on one’s weight. In the past when they would say “Hey, you look like you’ve lost weight!” I would respond: “That’s a vicious LIE!” and then smile, sweetly. Now, having become (quite unintentionally) thin, they’re prone to say “You look great!” And I respond: “What did you think before?” I still smile when I deliver the line, but then I pointedly wait for an answer. It may not be nice to make one’s friends squirm, but it IS important that they be made to think a bit.

    • Oh, that’s FABULOUS!!! I’m so stealing that.

    • Hey, I think you’re quite correct to make them squirm. I hate weight based “compliments.”

  4. I’ve seen this a lot on weight loss surgery forums. Lots of people in the honeymoon period of weight loss want to “save” other fat people with unsolicited advice about what surgery to get. Its classist in addition to being sizist because those surgeries cost thousands of dollars.

    • I considered WLS multiple times, and another thing I noticed on those forums is how quickly any dissenters from the “it’s the best thing I ever did!” camp are bullied into leaving. You can’t get unbiased information because the people who regret their choice to have surgery aren’t welcomed, even when they are desperately trying to find support and ideas.

      It’s horrible… and it’s one reason I wouldn’t do it. I couldn’t find anyone to tell the other side of the story, only the evangelists.

    • You never know, my mother’s health insurance covered her WLS 100%.

      Meanwhile, I must pay for a therapist entirely on my own, because apparently my uncontrolled major depression–which is having immediate, dramatic effects on my life–is not as important as the Vague Future Health Threat of my mother’s weight.

  5. You know, next time someone tries to healthshame, fatshame, or foodshame me, I’m tempted to tell them the story about the time I was seven and tried to make mustard gas in the bathtub because I thought it sounded delicious. You know, until they start backing away and looking for a cop.

    • This is probably the BEST response to those “I’m Just Trying To Help” kindly ones I’ve ever heard. You win the Internet!

      Since I reached my mid-30s and realised how f*cking fabulous I really am (and how intimidating I can be without even trying), I have had no one do that Fat Shaming thing to me. But my old age has taught me that everyone has weaknesses, and that I am very good at seeing them without trying. It’s not a skill I’m particularly proud of, but for purposes of self-defense, it’s practical to have an arsenal of comebacks loaded in the magazine. Things like, “Oh, observational advice from a random stranger! Hey, Professor, how does this grab ya: I’ll go on a diet, and you back off on the Botox and stop over-tweezing your eyebrows because you look like a bad anime fantasy doll, sever that symbiotically attached iPhone from your over-pierced ear, and cease tanning so much because I swear by my left tit you look like a saddle bag with eyes.”

      But then again, I might be going too far…

  6. My mother started calling me fat in her diary when I was six months old and still being breast-fed. As I’m now 60, the number of times I’ve been made wrong for the body I have is probably approaching infinity.

    Fortunately, somewhere along the way (and I don’t really remember when or how), I stopped believing any of the fat hating messages, and stopped delivering them to myself and others.

    Several years ago, after she started harping about WLS, I finally shut my mother up about weight by telling her “If I ever start losing a lot of weight, get ready to bury me, because it means I’m deathly ill.

    Her birthday is soon, and i guess I need to be in touch. I know lots of people wish they still had a mother alive. But I feel like I never really had a mother, not one who loved me unconditionally. What kind of mother allows fatphobia to trump love?

    • My mother started calling me fat in her diary when I was six months old and still being breast-fed.

      0_____0

      What. The. Ever. Loving. Fuck.

      You know, if it’s only going to hurt you, there’s no reason you have to get in touch with your mother. I know a lot of people who’ve happily estranged themselves from one or both parents for this kind of psychological abuse. Hell, I’ve considered myself–my relationship with my mom is all kinds of fucked up, but just functional enough to kind of work. (I’m disabled and live with my parents. She threw out my vibrator and condoms and barred my girlfriend from the house as a power play. I’m getting some new sex toys soon and having a frank discussion with her about me being closer to 40 than 30 and being unwilling to shut off my libido like my abusive ex forced me to do. Weirdly, in other ways we get along pretty well. She just won’t let me grow up.)

      Just because other people miss their mothers doesn’t mean you have to. You are not them, they are not you. Your mother is not their mothers, and vice versa.

    • I love my mother but I do not like her. She is very abusive verbally and I severely limit my contact with her.

      Although I’ve not completely severed all relations, I keep them very, very limited.

      You are not a villain for not wanting to talk to someone with whom you have a disfunctional relationship. You can decide how much to be in contact with her. No one else can make that decision for you.

    • OMG, I thought it was just me. I seriously thought I was the only person whose own mother pulled that shit.

      My mom was 40 when she had me. That was in 1960, and that was odd. Her doctor harped constantly on her weight – and she was very proud of the fact that she weighed less after she delivered me than she had when I was conceived.

      I’m not a mom, but it seems to me that there’s something wrong with this picture – something about developing babies needing nutrition or something? Something about starving babies in the womb?

      My mom started fat shaming me when I was about 7 or 8. There were the diets, doctor prescribed and otherwise. There was the notion of weighing all the damn food (bor-ing!). But most of all, there was the fat shaming. I can still hear her: “All you ever do is eat and sit and FAT! Eat and sit and FAT!” No praise for my academic and/or artistic accomplishments – or at least, none that wasn’t accompanied by some slam about my FAT.

      Even after I heard her admit it – “I’ve tried shaming her” – and yes, she referred to me in the third person, to my face – and heard her admit that shaming didn’t work – she didn’t stop.

      My mother was so terrified of fat – hers, mine and everyone else’s – that when she had terminal cancer (non-Hodgkins’ lymphoma) and had wasted away to a mere 100 pounds (on her 5’5″ frame), she was still calling herself fat. I became determined not to be her or be like her.

      I think that fat shaming that starts in childhood is the worst ever. Coach anne, you are not alone, and you are right: What kind of mother allows fatphobia to trump love?

      Here’s a hug from me to you – you are not alone either!

  7. I was looking for some advice from either Ragen, or any of you lovely people on here.

    I have a fifteen month old boy. He is beautiful, he is surpassing all of his physical milestones and smashing his intellectual ones. In other words, he is super baby…he is also SUPER tall and SUPER heavy. He is in the 96th percentile for height and in the 100 percentile for weight. That sounds pretty even right? Who would question his health? Especially since I grew like this, my husband grew like this. We are both over six feet tall and naturally very muscular people.

    Apparently, this is not good enough for our pediatrician and the doctors at our Children’s hospital where we have had to bring him FOUR times already for blood work, tests and all sorts of ‘interviews’ for his health and well-being. Why? Is it because he shows signs of a disease, or developmental disorder, nope, like I said, he is well above average in everything. It is because he is ‘fat’. He is heavy. I have had to see my little boy have blood drawn from him four times now because of a number on the scale. I am so pissed off right now, because we are waiting for an appointment to be made for us with an Endocrinologist so that he can have yet another set of blood work, tests and whatever else they can think of to throw at my not so little man. All his previous blood work has come back fine, yet I believe they are thinking fifth times a charm.

    Whenever I ask why, or what other symptoms does he have, besides his weight, that there is something wrong with him, I get: “Mumble, mumble…unusual weight….mumble….obesity gene…”

    Obesity gene? Is this a thing? Really? When I asked what is the worst that can happen to him if, for whatever reason, he has this ‘obesity gene’, they told me: Well…he’ll be fat.

    Dear God NO! Not FAT! Why didn’t someone warn me…oh wait, because I don’t CARE. I tried to explain to them that if he is naturally fat, I don’t give a shit (sorry for the language). As his mother, I care that he is healthy and happy and loves himself. The last two are going to be near impossible if every time I take him to the doctor they remind him that he is fat and he should probably get on that.

    The kicker is when they told me that we can’t do anything about his weight until he is two. When I asked what in the Holy Mother of Johnny Depp they meant by that, they replied that they couldn’t put him on a medically supervised diet until we turned two…A MEDICALLY SUPERVISED DIET FOR A TWO YEAR OLD, what the actual FUCK.

    What do I do, I am so lost right now. I mean fat shamming from birth? I can’t wrap my head around this right. I feel like I am fighting a battle for my son’s health and self worth and I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know what to do. I love him more than anything.

    • Holy crap on a cracker! Putting two year olds on diets? I would suggest you start calling around and see if you can find a pediatrician who is less weight focused – even if you have to drive farther, it may be worth it. If you have to stay with this pediatrician, are you in a position to refuse some of the medical care – to insist that there be a focus on his health rather than his size? Require that they provide evidence of efficacy in the form of double blind placebo controlled studies before you agree to any “treatment” for his body size.

      Does that help? If there is anything else that I can do just let me know.

      ~Ragen

      • Thank you so much for responding Ragen.

        I am so scared right now for my son. We are working on getting a new pediatrician, but we have to deal with the Children’s Hospital right now as well.

        • Sorry, I suck at the internet, meant to post more.

          We have to deal with the endocrinologist, and if he/she orders more blood work, I want to refuse. Is it reasonable for me to say something along the lines of: Are there any reasons, other than his weight, that we should be concerned about my child?

          I care about his health, it is my uttermost concern, however, every other test has come back normal. So sticking him with another needle just seems cruel.

          I am also worried about comments made about him, he doesn’t understand right now, but one day he will. I hate the ‘overweight’ comments, over WHAT weight? He is beautiful, smart and BIG. I never want him to think that there is something wrong with him. DO you have any advice on how to deal with negative comments?

          • As for negative comments… I would say very simply, my child is fine the way he is, and I would appreciate it if you do not make negative comments about his body type in front of him… OR, better yet, at ALL. I want him to grow up confident, not worried and insecure.

          • Is it reasonable for me to say something along the lines of: Are there any reasons, other than his weight, that we should be concerned about my child?

            Absolutely. It is also entirely reasonable to simply say, “No.” “No” is a complete sentence.

    • I kind of think you need a new doctor. I don’t know if these will help, but here are some sites about children and food:

      http://www.ellynsatter.com/
      http://familyfeedingdynamics.com/blog/

      I pulled them from this site: http://www.fatnutritionist.com/

      She has links to science articles also.

      Your kid is allowed to be big, he’s at the end of the bell curve. That’s how you get a bell curve, some folks are at either end.

      I’m truly sorry you have to put up with this shit.

      • Thanks for the links, I will look them over and maybe print some of them out to bring with us to his next appointment.

        I can’t tell you how much your words “He is allowed to big” made me tear up. It is so true that everywhere you turn, you are given the message that if you are big, you are too big to be allowed. That you must shrink to match everyone else. That we have to be less to be more. I fought this idea so much growing up, and I don’t want my son to have to fight this battle as well. I want him to see his strength and size as a good thing, a positive.

        Sorry for the mini rant, those words just struck me today. Thank you.

        • I hope you get a solution. Seriously. I hope your kid grows big enough to lift cars.

    • Jesus fucking Lipschitz. The world’s gone mad.

      If it were me, I’d tell the doctors point blank that I don’t care if my son is fat, as long as he’s happy and healthy and loved. Then I’d start looking for a different pediatrician. A diet for a toddler is sick. Fucking sick. They NEED things like saturated fats. Hell, older kids need saturated fats for brain development! I’m not so sure adults don’t benefit from them! I mean, 25 years ago, doctors were convinced fat of any kind was bad. Now? Oh, lookie there. Essential fatty acids. Critical for neurological function. Given that it’s been discovered that adult nerve does, in fact, regenerate, I suspect a little saturated fat comes in handy for all of us.

      (Besides, if it’s so bad, why did our bodies evolve to burn it as emergency fuel?)

      Fuck those doctors. Tell them there’s nothing wrong with your son, because there is nothing wrong. He’s big and strong and heavy and tall. What ethnic groups are you and your husband descended from? Because some tend towards bigger and stronger than others, and it’s time medicine caught up with anthropology and evolutionary biology, damn it. Thus sayeth the sturdy German-Celt, who may be short, but can still kick somebody’s ass.

      • What Susan said. And that’s from another short, sturdy German-Celt.

        Seriously, Jacq, find a new pediatrician last week! There must be one somewhere who recognizes that children grow much the way their parents did, and tall, muscular parents will have children who are also tall, and muscular.

        You know, sort of like the pediatrician my parents took me to who never worried about me being on the lower end of the height charts since my mother barely scraped 5’3″. Once he was assured I wasn’t a picky eater and wasn’t being deliberately (or accidentally) underfed, he came to the conclusion that I was just going to be a short person and didn’t make a big deal about it.

        • I wish our doctors would just look at us, look at him and make the DAMN connection. I feel like I am going crazy. I point at him, then I point at me. We are a tall big people, maybe they should focus on NOT making us mad. I’ll bring my 6’4, 220 pound brother along next time.

          Thanks for you words.

      • I always wondered what His last name was. I can just hear Mary hollering it out the back door.

        • “JESUS F LIPSCHITZ! Get your anointed ass in here and set the table already!”

      • It is hard, because any time I say things along the lines of: “So what if he’s fat” or “if he is big, he is big, his diet is perfectly healthy, he is perfectly healthy” I get this weird look and then they start to tell me realllllly sloooowly that if he continues to grow this way, he will be obese. When I say that that doesn’t bother me, they act as if I said I give him Jack Daniels to get him to sleep at night (forget that, Jack Daniels is MOMMY’S night time drink, and she don’t share).

        My husband is Italian Australian and I am Northern Irish Canadian, his family is tall, although he is the tallest. My family is HUGE, I have a cousin who is 6’7, my brother is 6’4, my grandmother and aunt are both 6’0 and I am 6’1. So, tall people all round. I also used to do powerlifting and excelled at it because I am naturally very strong. I guess my husband and I were the only ones who weren’t surprised by my sons growth.

        Thanks for your support, it is so nice to hear positive comments about my boy’s growth instead of negative ones.

    • Adult nerve = adult nervous tissue

      Topamax. For when it abso, positvery need to be dones rite.

    • Wow… that’s atrocious. I would definitely find another pediatrician, if at all possible. I mean, there ARE medical conditions – like Cushing’s – that can cause weight gain, so if they have any actual reason to believe he is ILL, that’s one thing. But to suggest putting a TWO YEAR OLD ON A DIET is reprehensible.

      I’m assuming you are a reasonable person, who is not letting her fifteen month old child eat nothing but cupcakes and chocolate. I’m not sure what they expect… he’s a big kid. Wth is wrong with that?
      ❤ Lots of love… stay strong, and make sure your voice is heard. You are his mother and you have every right to tell the doctors to fuck off. Probably better if you do so more gently than that, though.😉

      • Thank you so much for your kind words. , believe me I have wanted to swear so many times.

        Ha, I definitely don’t feed him cupcakes at 15 months (not that there is anything wrong with a cupcake…now I want a cupcake). I was a powerlifter for a long time and my husband plays soccer. Food is a HUGE part in our performance, so we are pretty well educated in nutrition and I like to think it shows in how we feed our boy.

    • Wow! was he always big? My kids were never on the chart. They were always bigger even than the 100th percentile. Partly this shows the faultiness of the whole charting system. But if he was always big, then what we did was look at his own growth curve (I went home after every appointment and added to his chart I made myself in excel). The doctors were useless, as they just pointed to a spot out somewhere on the wall and said that is where your kid is. BUt we kept our own chart, where we could see his growth on his own little nice curve and see that he was not doubling in size between visits, but growing at a nice even keel like kids are supposed to. My 18 year old is still off the charts at 6-6 300 lbs, but he is a very muscular football player yet still every appointment starts with lets talk about your weight. Even when he was working out for hours every day.

      i guess it also strikes me odd because if you are at the top of the charts in both height and weight, wouldn’t that make you proportionate?

      I second what others have said about getting a new doc, and if you go through with the visit to the endocrinologist, make sure you have a good discussion about what the tests are and why they are necessary. Just because you get sent somewhere doesn’t mean you have to do everything they suggest if you are uncomfortable with it.

      • THANK YOU! You see, I felt like I was going crazy about him being top of the chart for height and weight.It confused me so much, because I kept thinking: But his height is keeping up with his weight. Yet, no one says anything about his height, it is all about weight.

        Yes, he has always been big. He was born three weeks early and weighed nine pounds. He just shot up from there. Now he is about 41 pounds and turns 15 months at the end of June.

        Thanks for your reply

    • Something that might help you feel a tad better. My cousin married a man whose family is incredibly dense. Three of her four kids are little CHUNKS – super heavy, super adorable, super sweet kids. I love them dearly. Her oldest son is 10 now, and still a heavy, HEAVY kid. They have huge craniums and dense tissue. When he was 9 months old, he weighed a whopping 32 pounds. My cousin had to have cortisone shots in her arms because he wasn’t walking yet. He isn’t going to “grow out of it” and nothing is wrong with him. It’s just the way he’s built, and that’s that. I wish you the absolute best in finding a new doctor who respects you and your son!

      • That really does make me feel better. It is nice to know we aren’t the only ones. It is insane how crazy the doctors have made me feel. They act like our son is the ONLY child in the entire history of anything that has ever happened, to grow this way. One of the physicians we met with said that she had never met another child who grows like our son, and that was why she was so concerned. I told her that if she had been practising 27 years ago, she would have met one, Me.

        Thanks so much for your kind words.

        • You betcha. I just wanted you to know you are not alone!

    • Find a new doctor. Tell your current doctors that they are bigoted and will cause harm to your child by screwing up his metabolism when he is developing. If there is a medical reason, address that reason but otherwise they do more harm than good in the long run. Teach your son to listen to his body, to eat healthy foods when he wants them and to stop eating when he’s full. My daughter started out in the 90+% camp and now at 5 she is in the 50% camp. What got me was when the doctors report said 50% weight, 50% height but her BMI put her in the overweight category. Doesn’t something there tell you that the measure is screwed up?!? I am so thankful that all my doctors care about is that she’s healthy, happy, active, and developmentally sound. You are the expert for your child. You are his advocate. If it seems wrong to you, it is wrong. Get another opinion. Find a different doctor. If that is not an option, confront his doctors with the research, much of which Regan has on this blog. Doctors are human and they are not perfect. Fight for your son. He only has so many years of innocence and innate learning. Don’t let some doctor screw that up because he can’t imagine how horrible it would be to grow up fat. Been there, done that, got the sparkly t-shirt to prove it, and I am just FINE!! Fight, Mama, fight!

      • And I forgot to mention… We’re just like you in my family. Big 10lbs babies that grow-up into 6ft+ tall giants. My little one just happened to take a slow curve like her father’s family. Her cousins were all wearing 3T clothes for their first birthdays. Some needed the clothes for the height, some needed it for the weight and the height. None of them were any where near the standard growth charts!

  8. “I’m just trying to help you” seems to bring with it a whole bunch of “because I’m so clearly better than you”. Also, it is someone holding power over me-if you really want to help me, give me the help I want, not just the help it makes you feel good to offer.

    One example of this power I heard in a speech lately- when instead of giving a homeless person the money they are asking for, we buy them a meal. That leaves us feeling great, we helped the person. But suppose they already have eaten, and what they are trying to do is save up to take a training course that would lead to a job. But we “know what’s best for them” and assume if we gave them cash they would spend it on drugs or something.

    • Hubby always gives me grief for this whenever I slip a homeless person a buck or two. Once in Oslo I gave a guy a few Kroner, and when we got around the corner, he hissed, “He’ll just use it to buy drugs…!”

      I was stunned and said, “How do you know that?? Maybe he’ll use it to hop on a bus to go to a job interview or call someone for help. It’s not for me to say what he uses it for.”

    • Yep. Arrogance SUCKS. Self-righteousness indeed.

  9. I feel that my mother must have loved me but would have loved me more if I had not been fat. I can’t imagine her never loving me as that would be too difficult for me to comprehend. But she started fat shaming me very early in life and most of my fat shaming came from home or what I saw in advertisement which is all around us. She died when I was only 14 and I felt a form of relief due to the fat shaming stopping and then guilt for feeling the relief. I never knew fat shaming was wrong until I found FA a few years ago after two WLS(s).

    Even if she hasn’t been in my life for almost 40 years I still have it in my head and still work to try to reverse the feelings of shame and it’s better but not perfect. After her death I still received fat shaming from relatives and “friends”, more so than strangers. I tried my best not to pass on that shame to my own kids but it’s difficult when they must know I still feel it without intentionally trying to make them feel it also.

  10. Thank you! I may need to print out about elventy billion copies of this to hand out every time I receive or witness someone else receive this barrage of bull.

  11. YESSSSSS!!! I so loved this post. This is so true. I truly wish I had you words a few weeks ago when someone thought they should take a “fat inventory check” on me!

    • What the heck? They actually inventoried your body, pointing out where you’re fat? That’s horrid!

    • I’m also gobsmacked by this. What exactly is a “fat inventory check,” or do I not want to know??

  12. If I had a dollar for every person who said “I’m just trying to be helpful” or worse, “I’m telling you this for your own good”, I would have paid off all my student loans, and this is just from things relating to my weight. If I added all the other stuff that people assume needs “fixing”, I’d have more money than most lottery winners will see in their lifetimes. Because I haven’t heard “You should try this diet” or “You should try to be more outgoing” or “You should try and wear something more flattering” about a bazillion times this week.

  13. When I had my son in the UK, I was involved with this awesome playgroup, and I hooked up with a gal named V who had this amazingly bright son named Oliver. Both V and her hubby were well over 6 feet tall and squarely built, like rugby players, really. Both sweet as can be.

    The midwife came round for a visit one day and said to V, “Oh dear…your son is too tall.” V said, “You wha’? Too TALL? TOO TALL?? What d’you expect me to do, push his neck down into his shoulders?? His parents are both tall! His grandparents are tall! What did you think would happen?”

    The midwife said, “Well, he’s off the charts for height, but his weight is okay…so far.”

    V said, “Right, are you a mum? No? OUT. Get out right now, and don’t come back. You. are. ridiculous. My kid eats well, sleeps well, and is very bright. Piss off!”

  14. Reblogged this on The Cheese Whines and commented:
    Pulling a JIllian will not make the fatty who is the target of your concern thank you. It will make them want to body slam you through a wall. Here’s a hint. Pulling a Jillian is not a good idea!

  15. Perfect. If this is what concern looks like, the world can keep it. I used to get this frequently on the other end of the spectrum: “Oh my God, do you ever eat?” “Seriously, you should eat more.” “Have you tried adding protein?” “You should look into Muscle Milk or protein shakes.” Society might think that this is different than unsolicited weight-loss advice, but it’s really not: it’s still the same misconception that somehow what my body looks like and what I do with it is some of your business. Which it’s NOT.
    If body policing were really coming from a place of concern, the deliverers might occasionally consider the wishes of the people they’re trying to “help.” Then again, they’d have to accept the fact that they’re accomplishing nothing, and that might be asking too much.

  16. People who do that sort of thing remind me of the folks who think that it’s their job to tell me that I am headed for hellfire and damnation unless I accept Jesus as my personal savior. Like these…thinvangelists? religious prosleytizers assume that people who AREN’t like them must perforce be miserable. They also assume that if I’m not Christian, it must be because no one has ever told me anything about Jesus. No, thanks, I’ve heard of him, and he’s just not relevant to me. Also? Very happy over here, thanks. And yet, even people who think that religious proselytizing is rude and annoying will find the same behavior perfectly acceptable if it’s based on weight, and will even engage in it themselves! Argh.


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