Your Justification For Fat Shaming donald Is Bullshit – Here’s Why

No Fat ShamingNot Even OnceNo Even donaldAfter donald’s recent physical and his physician’s questionable press conference, the internet exploded with all manner of fat shaming of donald, followed by people being called out for, and subsequently attempting to justify, their fat shaming. Y’all, I have seen some nonsense today.

Sadder still, a lot of it came from people who normally get it when it comes to fat activism.  If you’re wondering what constitutes a bullshit justification for fat shaming donald, I’m here to help:

It’s not fat shaming because he is a horror of a human being!

It’s totally fat shaming, even when you fat shame a horrible human being. If you argue that it’s ok to fat shame someone you don’t like, your fat friends and loved ones (and everyone who interacts with you, including co-workers) know what you really think of us – and what you’ll start saying about us if you don’t like what we do.

If you are saying something about donald that you wouldn’t want said about you, or about a fat loved one, you are fucking up. We all fuck up, but there’s no need to get defensive, try justify it, and make it into a permanent state. Admit your mistake, examine your own fatphobia (and remember that we fat people are not immune – we need to examine our internalized fatphobia,) and do better moving forward.

It’s not fat shaming because he (and his doctor) lied about his weight!

Online trolls speculate about the weight of fat people all the time. I know because it happens to me. Do you really want to engage in the same behavior as a reddit troll? You can’t say “it’s not about his weight” if you are talking about his weight. And you can’t call the doctor a liar unless you have proof, or you’re some kind of licensed weight psychic.

More to the point, if you’re angry because you believe that he/his doctor is lying about his weight, you are lending credence to the idea that his weight matters at all. It does not. It has literally nothing to do with anything. I actually saw a fat person claim that while they are fat, they can deal with some fat shaming if it helps bring him down.  Pro tip – he bragged about sexual assault and called nazis “some very fine people.” Claiming that he lied about his weight is not going to be the straw that broke the despot’s back. You’re not hurting donald – you’re just hurting other fat people.

We are talking about a “president” who is a proud racist, misogynist, xenophobe, sexual predator, and white supremacist who lies about nearly everything – including matters of national security. Who gives a shit about his weight or height? Or his doctor for that matter? I certainly wouldn’t put it past him to threaten/pay off/blackmail the doctor, I just think it’s the least of our problems. He’s got republican congresspeople, cabinet members, and the press secretary lying for him about things that affect many people’s  life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, his weight and height don’t affect anyone.

The good news is, by not talking about his weight we can avoid engaging in fat shaming, and stay focused on things that matter.

It’s not fat shaming because it’s about his health!

Not if you’re talking about weight it’s not. Weight and health are two separate things, neither is an obligation, barometer of worthiness, or entirely within our control. Also, this justification moves us from just fat shaming into fat shaming and healthism – not a good look. Again, let’s use our energy to point out the ways at which he is utterly failing and terrifyingly dangerous as “president,” getting him the hell out of the office he stole, and finding ways to negate the dangerous things he’s trying to do until then. Let’s not waste our time and energy talking about his weight and height. There are specific policies in place to deal with a President whose develops a health problem. There are not specific plans in place to deal with a “president” who might get us all killed with a tweet. Again, let’s keep our eyes on the ball (and off donald’s ass.)

It’s not fat shaming because he is a fat shamer himself!

I very seriously doubt that the path to liberation is paved with hypocrisy. Fat shaming is fat shaming no matter who the victim is. If you mention Donald’s weight as part of your criticism of him, you are engaging in fat shaming.

And make no mistake, when you engage in fat shaming, your victim is every single fat person. So don’t fat shame. Ever.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

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NEW!!! Wellness for All Bodies ProgramA simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!

Over the course of eighteen self-paced, content-packed, quick videos you’ll get the tools you need to create healthy relationships with food, movement, and your body, and you’ll map out a path to health that makes sense for you, in an easily digestible format. Built-in tools allow you to track your progress and keep notes individually or as a group.
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members)
Click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

If you are uncomfortable with my selling things on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Published in: on January 18, 2018 at 2:09 pm  Comments (8)  

Understanding and Dealing with Online Harassment

Haters Walk on Water“Fatties Gonna Fat.”

That’s the first message I ever received from an internet troll. I had two immediate thoughts: What does this even mean, and who has enough free time to send this kind of nonsense to strangers?

Now, over six years later, I’ve become an expert in online harassment the hard way. There are forums devoted specifically to hating me, and the largest has over 4,000 members. Websites exist with the sole purpose of ruining my reputation, and there are coordinated efforts to convince people to cancel bookings and abandon partnerships with me. Map routes from my home to the places I work out have been published online, along with my home address and telephone number. Trolls have shown up at events I attend, including at speaking engagements and triathlons. They’ve taken pictures and videos and harassed me, the event organizers, and other participants. Once they even tripped the fire alarm during a speaking gig.

It’s one thing to have to deal with the trolls who inevitably show up in every comment section and social media platform, but the stakes are raised even higher when you become personally targeted for harassment. Here is what I’ve learned about trolls and harassers, and how to deal with them.

Click here to read my full piece about this over at Better Humans!

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support fat activism and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

NEW!!! Wellness for All Bodies ProgramA simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!

Over the course of eighteen self-paced, content-packed, quick videos you’ll get the tools you need to create healthy relationships with food, movement, and your body, and you’ll map out a path to health that makes sense for you, in an easily digestible format. Built-in tools allow you to track your progress and keep notes individually or as a group.
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members)
Click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

If you are uncomfortable with my selling things on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Published in: on January 17, 2018 at 6:27 am  Comments (3)  

Roxane Gay, Midwest Writer’s Workshop, and Breaking the Silence of Fatphobia

No Fat ShamingRoxane Gay recently outed the Midwest Writer’s Workshop board for committing blatant fatphobia against Sarah Hollowell:

Roxanne Gay

Image shows a series of tweets from Roxane Gay, @rgay, text as follows:

I am going to call out the Midwest Writers workshop for fatphobia.

Sarah Hollowell, who I met through MWW has worked with them for five years. She was voted to be on the organizational committee.

But then someone said “do we really want someone like her representing us?” That person elaborated “someone so fat. It’s disgusting.” Only two people in that room spoke up for Sarah

They committee decided to NOT bring Sarah on board. Because of her body. But because she is “so talented” they are willing to hire her for less public things.

This is unacceptable. And cruel. And cowardly, Midwest Writers Workshop. And you thought you could get away with it. You very nearly did.

I guess I too am too fat and disgusting for your workshop. Which is fine. But Sarah was a tireless worker on your behalf. She is intelligent, passionate, and brave. You would be LUCKY to have her.

You owe Sarah a public and genuine apology. And then those of you who objected to her fatness or were silent in the face of this fat phobia need to really take yourselves to task. It’s horrifying what you’ve done.

Also, Midwest Writers Workshop, never use my name as a past faculty member in your promotional materials, ever again. I’m too fat and disgusting to be associated with you.

First of all, it’s important to note that – once again, it’s a Black woman leading the way. There were plenty of people with much more privilege in that room who either committed the fatphobia, agreed with the fatphobia, or stayed silent. So thanks to Roxane Gay for taking this risk.

MWW issued an apology that seemed pretty suspicious to me even before I read Sarah’s own Tweets about it.

Sadly, this isn’t an isolated incident – fatphobia goes on in corporations, non-profits, and all types of organizations, way too often, and we cannot let it go unchecked. Here are some options for calling out fatphobia when you see it in a work environment. As always the people with the most privilege should be taking the lead, if you are a fat person dealing with fat phobia, know that it’s reasonable to decide to take care of yourself first, and to not confront this.  Here are options for these situations:

Say Something Right Away

If you can address fatphobia without causing the victim(s) more damage, do it in the moment. If you want to be really direct you could say something like: “Are we a company that discriminates based on size? If so I think we should make that public so that people are aware.” Or you can say “I’m not comfortable with weight-based bigotry, can we please focus on the candidates actual qualifications?” One way to call out fatphobia without being as accusatory is to do it in Jeopardy style – in the form of a question: “Does anybody know if our state/city/company has a non-discrimination policy that includes weight-based discrimination – I think we may be violating the law/company policy.” If someone pipes up that there’s no law, you can ask if size discrimination is company policy. If confronting fatphobia in the moment will harm fat people who are in the room, then have these conversations as soon as you can after the fact. You know your organization best, so choose what will work best.

Move it up the Chain

Contact HR, talk to folks higher up to find other allies (notice who in the room is also speaks up, who looks uncomfortable, who doesn’t say anything.) Don’t assume that fat people will get on board – they shouldn’t have to take on the additional burden of dealing with fatphobia, and they may well be affected by internalized fatphobia. If your company doesn’t have a policy against size discrimination, look into what it would take to create one. Keep pushing.

Take it to the Tweets

Consider going public with it (with the permission of the victim, if there is a specific one.) Visibility is the first step to change.

When it comes to fatphobia, as with so much other bigotry, sunlight is the best disinfectant, so before we can end fatphobia, we have to drag it – and those who perpetuate it, out into the open.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support fat activism and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

NEW!!! Wellness for All Bodies ProgramA simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!

Over the course of eighteen self-paced, content-packed, quick videos you’ll get the tools you need to create healthy relationships with food, movement, and your body, and you’ll map out a path to health that makes sense for you, in an easily digestible format. Built-in tools allow you to track your progress and keep notes individually or as a group.
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members)
Click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

If you are uncomfortable with my selling things on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Published in: on January 15, 2018 at 7:57 am  Comments (7)  

Fatphobia At The Spa

A number of blog readers let me know about an incident at a nail salon where they hung a sign saying “Sorry, but if you are overweight, pedicures will be $45 due to service fees for pedicurists. Thank you!”

I’m not sure if I’m more insulted about “Sorry” (are you, really?) or “Thank you!” (Um, you’re welcome? You sizeist ass). I blogged about this specific incident here, but it’s part of a much larger issue of fatphobia that affects fat people’s every day lives. A “fat tax” is an additional fee that is charged to fat patrons by services like pedicurists, spas, even massage therapists. Sometimes it even goes beyond a tax to complete exclusion. I asked some fat folks to share their stories.

One of the most common forms of exclusion is to simply create an environment that doesn’t accommodate fat people.

MH faced this as a massage therapist: “When I was a new massage therapist, I worked at a spa that did not have tables large enough to accommodate people of all sizes. It was really frustrating for me as well as my clients. When I was able to outfit my own studio, I splurged on the largest/highest weight capacity portable table on the market. It was expensive but worth the relief on my clients’ faces.”

LSK faced this issue from the client side of the table: “I’ve had a few massages here and there and feel like I’m going to fall off of the table because there wasn’t enough room for my arms. I could never relax into the experience because one arm or the other would pop off of the table and I would be laying there embarrassed as all hell and wondering what to do with my arms. Don’t get me started on the teeny-tiny robes!”

And robes aren’t the only thing that people had trouble fitting into; MK was one of many folks who faced this issue at the salon. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve not fit into chairs when I go to get my hair done. They almost never had capes to fit me. Last year I went to go get waxed and they expected me to jump on to a table that looked so flimsy I actually laughed out loud while shaking my head.”

AC has had some luck with insisting on what she needs: “I go to Spas as often as I can, and always ask for a robe that will fit me (as I am unapologetically fat). It sometimes takes them a REALLY long time to dig one up. The places where they give you a little scrubs like outfit to wear (mostly Korean style spas) often have to give me the mens one, which is awkward when you are a cis-female trying to use the single sex areas of the spa. The best service I ever had was at the Madonna Inn. They asked my size before I arrived, did not balk at my 3X/24, and had a robe that fit me in the locker for me upon arrival. Really appreciated that.”

Asking for accommodation is definitely an option – but taking your time and energy to remind a place that serves people that people of all sizes exist can be difficult, stressful, and the exact opposite of the relaxing experience that someone might be looking for when they head to the spa.

The responsibility shouldn’t fall on a fat person who is just trying to get the exact same experience other people are already given.

Read the rest of this piece here!

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support fat activism and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

NEW!!! Wellness for All Bodies ProgramA simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!

Over the course of eighteen self-paced, content-packed, quick videos you’ll get the tools you need to create healthy relationships with food, movement, and your body, and you’ll map out a path to health that makes sense for you, in an easily digestible format. Built-in tools allow you to track your progress and keep notes individually or as a group.
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members)
Click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

If you are uncomfortable with my selling things on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Published in: on January 12, 2018 at 11:36 am  Comments (7)  

Dealing With Diet Season

A Big Bag Full of Nope (1)It’s New Years – part of the Diet Industry Axis of Evil (which also includes “bikini season” and “the holidays are coming.”) That means that you can’t open your eyes without being assaulted by diet industry propaganda, and your Facebook feed will be chock full of people (who you likely thought knew better) starting (yet another) diet. Ugh.

Let’s start with the onslaught of propaganda. Unfortunately, people who are still duped by diet culture give the diet industry over $60 Billion a year (I don’t know about you, but I definitely used to be one of them!), and the diet industry isn’t shy or stingy about using that money to advertise. Add to that all of the gyms, health and wellness coaches, and anyone in any industry that is willing to jump on the weight loss bandwagon and we are all being bombarded with misinformation and false promises and all kinds of weight loss BS all the damn time.

This sucks for everyone who has managed to get off the diet roller coaster, and can be especially difficult for those who are new non-dieters. My best tip for dealing with this is to create a little saying that you use each time you come across something like this. Mine is “Hey, that’s bullshit!” but other people use sayings like “Nope!Nope!Nope!” or “Not this time, assholes.” Pick something that works for you and start to consciously respond to any and all diet/weightloss/fatshaming that you see, hear, or read with your new phrase. Soon enough, it will start to happen automatically and the messages will have less and less effect on you (except maybe to frustrate you.)

When it comes to our friends who are on diets, it can be particularly difficult. We know that any attempt at becoming thinner buys into and perpetuates a harmful fatphobic paradigm – and it’s perfectly reasonable to be angry about that, even while acknowledging that people are allowed to diet if they want to.

We also know that there is an almost certain chance that, even if they lose weight short term, they’ll gain it all back; with a better than average chance that they’ll gain back more than they lost. But in the meantime we may be subjected to any number of conversations, Facebook updates, tweets etc. and they’ll likely expect us to support them in their attempt to manipulate their body size based on their belief that a smaller body is somehow better.

First of all, each of us gets to decide how we want to handle this with each of our friends. That said, I want to remind you that we are under no obligation to support this behavior. As a queer woman, I would acknowledge that a queer friend is allowed to attempt reparative therapy, but I would not support it. As a fat woman I feel the same about a friend who is dieting.

Because I don’t tolerate people giving me their opinions about my health choices or body size unless I ask, I don’t give friends my opinion about their choices unless they ask. But I also draw the line at hearing/reading/talking about it. How I deal with it depends on the friend. Anyone on my FB who mentions dieting/weight loss gets unfollowed or blocked, anyone who tries to talk about their diet with me gets cut off.  If I want to try to maintain a friendship, I’ll explain that they can do whatever they want with their body, but that I don’t participate in conversations that perpetuate fatphobia and engage in diet or weight loss talk. If they decide that they can’t be my friend under those rules then that’s fine.

Regardless of how you deal with this, I definitely suggest that you remain neutral about their weight loss. All of the compliments that they are getting now are going to really sting when they gain their weight back, so reminding them that you think that they are amazing at any size will be comforting later, and will keep you from perpetuating fatphobia. (I’ve got some tips for dealing with this situation here.)

Whatever you do, hold on to your hard-won victories over the diet industry, and remember that this season too shall pass,

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support fat activism and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

NEW!!! Wellness for All Bodies ProgramA simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!

Over the course of eighteen self-paced, content-packed, quick videos you’ll get the tools you need to create healthy relationships with food, movement, and your body, and you’ll map out a path to health that makes sense for you, in an easily digestible format. Built-in tools allow you to track your progress and keep notes individually or as a group.
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members)
Click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

If you are uncomfortable with my selling things on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Published in: on January 5, 2018 at 8:05 am  Comments (15)  

Non-Diet New Year’s Resolutions

No Diet t-shirt (2)Earlier this year I wrote a piece about failed New Year’s Resolutions. Now, another Resolution season is almost upon us, and I find myself reflecting on one of the most commonly failed New Year’s Resolutions — weight loss. Even for those who manage to lose weight, almost everyone will gain it all back, with the majority gaining back more than they lost.

Trying to make major life changes at the end of a holiday season that can leave us broke and physically and mentally exhausted is difficult enough and sets us up for failure.

But what’s the alternative?

Every year people make the life-changing, life-affirming decision to stop waging a losing war with their bodies and get off the diet roller coaster. However, when it’s time to make their resolutions, they often get stuck with a pretty basic question — if not weight loss, then what?

The good news is when we decide to stop spending our time, money, and energy trying to manipulate our body size, a whole world of possibilities opens up.

Instead of just another destined-to-fail New Year’s Resolution, we have the chance to create a New Year’s Revolution.

Here are some ideas to kick of the New Year by ditching dieting and creating a revolution in your own life, and ideas for resolutions that will take the revolution to the streets.

Let’s start with the personal.

One of the best places to start your revolution is to resolve to stop participating in negative body talk, starting with your mouth. When you have a negative thought or utterance, replace it with something (anything!) positive.

Decide to start and end every day by appreciating your body. Maybe put a note on your bathroom mirror or the ceiling above your bed that reminds you to bookend your day thinking or saying something like, “You’re a great body and I appreciate you” or “Thanks for everything you did for me today!”

While you’ve become wise to the ways of the diet industry, they are still out there duping people. And they’re good at it — to the tune of over $60 billion a year. They use plenty of that money to pummel us with a ceaseless barrage of marketing.

To avoid being tempted back into the weight loss equivalent of three-card Monty, you can resolve to create a quick phrase and say it to yourself (or out loud if you want to) every time you hear a message meant to make you feel bad about yourself or sell you a diet. My mantra is “Hey, that’s bullshit!” I have heard from other people who use phrases like “Never again, diet scum” and “Nope! Nope! Nope!” It can be anything that helps remind you to appreciate and support your body in a way that dieting won’t allow.

If you are choosing goals that support your health, first remember that health is not a barometer of worthiness entirely within our control or guaranteed under any circumstance. So, focus on setting goals around behaviors you can control rather than outcomes you can’t.

While you’re at it, consider making them additive (start getting body work, drink an extra glass of water, eat a serving of vegetables, or get an extra hour of sleep at night) rather than restrictive (like saying that you’ll never do/eat/be [whatever] again). If you’re looking for support in weight neutral discussions of fitness, check out Fit Fatties.

Now let’s talk about resolutions that create a greater revolution.

You can read the rest of this piece here!

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support fat activism and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

NEW!!! Wellness for All Bodies ProgramA simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!

Over the course of eighteen self-paced, content-packed, quick videos you’ll get the tools you need to create healthy relationships with food, movement, and your body, and you’ll map out a path to health that makes sense for you, in an easily digestible format. Built-in tools allow you to track your progress and keep notes individually or as a group.
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members)
Click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

 

If you are uncomfortable with my selling things on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

 

 

 

https://ravishly.com/new-years-resolutions-create-revolution

Published in: on January 1, 2018 at 8:32 am  Comments (2)  

The Worst Holiday Diet Tips

Guilt Free EatingThe “holiday season” means being bombarded with ridiculous diet advice (“The Holidays are Coming” being one third of the Dieting Axis of Evil along with “New Years Resolutions” and “Bikini Season is Coming”.)  Since you’re likely to have to deal with this whether you celebrate the holidays or not, in another DancesWithFat annual tradition I’ve compiled a list of so-called holiday diet tips from actual serious online articles, with thoughts on why we might be better off skipping each of them:

10 Diet Tips You’ve Never Heard Before!

You’ve totally heard these tips before. They didn’t work then, they don’t work now, they will never work.

Start Our Program Now and Get a Head Start on Your New Years Resolution

If you start earlier, you can fail at weight loss sooner while giving the diet industry (who are fully aware of the massive failure rate of their product) a boost on their fourth quarter earnings.  Or, you know, not.

Eat a Big Bowl of Fiber Cereal and Drink Lots of Water Before A Party to Avoid Snacking.

Spend the party in the bathroom with your friends awkwardly knocking and asking if you’re ok while you miss out on delicious snacks.

Buy Your Party Dress a Month Early and a Size Too Small for Inspiration to Lose that Last 10 Pounds

Frantically search through your closet on party day for something, anything, that fits and is party appropriate, end up going to the party uncomfortable in a dress that’s too small.

Save Your Calories For the Party by Eating Very Little During the Day

Show up at the party absolutely ravenous, bribe a cater waiter to get your hands on an entire tray of shrimp puffs, scarf them in the bathroom.

Make low-calorie egg nog with skim milk, egg substitutes, and artificial sweeteners.

Oh…I just…I can’t even…Just…  Ok, by the underpants rule you can totally make this beverage if you want and I will support you in drinking it – whether it just sounds good to you or it works or food allergies/sensitivities, whatever – as long as you support me in not drinking it.  Ever.

Only Eat Desserts that Are Truly a Sensual Experience for You

This author has a different relationship with food than I do…  I’m looking for desserts that taste good, not desserts that turn me on. I would change this to “only eat desserts that you want to, and that aren’t expired or poisonous.”

Don’t Taste The Food While You Cook – Those Calories Add Up

Serve your guests delicious-looking appetizers that taste like a salt lick, or like nothing at all, who knows?  If only there was a way to tell how the food tastes before we give it to other people…  The person who wrote this article obviously never watched Hell’s Kitchen or Chopped.

Choose Foods that Won’t Make You Feel Guilty the Next Day

Here’s the super secret trick to guilt-free eating:  Eat. Don’t feel guilty about it. Done.

Bring Fruits and Veggies to Parties and Work and Remind People About Their Weight Goals, They’ll Thank You!

They will not thank you.  They may, in fact, throat punch you. There’s nothing wrong with bringing fruits and veggies to the party, there may well be something wrong with being what we Southerners call a “superior sumbitch,” you may be able to avoid that by skipping the second part of this advice.  Instead consider “Bring fruits and veggies to parties and work and then shut up about it – find something more interesting to talk about than weight goals.”

Enjoy Fat Free Mock Versions of Your Favorite Holiday Foods, You’ll Never Miss the Full Fat Variety

I doubt that very much, and I do not think that the words “mock” and “food” should be put together, but of course that’s just me.

Divide Foods into Naughty and Nice

Use the holidays to ease yourself into a disordered relationship with food.

Don’t Read Articles About Holiday Diet Tips

You caught me, this one didn’t come from an article, it’s my advice – take it or leave it.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support fat activism and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

NEW!!! Wellness for All Bodies ProgramA simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!

Over the course of eighteen self-paced, content-packed, quick videos you’ll get the tools you need to create healthy relationships with food, movement, and your body, and you’ll map out a path to health that makes sense for you, in an easily digestible format. Built-in tools allow you to track your progress and keep notes individually or as a group.
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members)
Click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

If you are uncomfortable with my selling things on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Published in: on December 21, 2017 at 9:16 am  Comments (27)  

My Dogs Help You Tell The Food Police To Take A Holiday

As some people are celebrating holidays that include things like chocolate, candy, and feasts, I am seeing a ton of food shaming, food policing, and food moralizing.  All of this is crap, for the reasons I explain here, but I thought what I would do today is give you some options for response. Note, today’s responses are in pictures (mostly starring our adorable dogs – you can click on them to enlarge them) If you are looking for verbal responses, head over here.

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support fat activism and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

NEW!!! Wellness for All Bodies ProgramA simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!

Over the course of eighteen self-paced, content-packed, quick videos you’ll get the tools you need to create healthy relationships with food, movement, and your body, and you’ll map out a path to health that makes sense for you, in an easily digestible format. Built-in tools allow you to track your progress and keep notes individually or as a group.
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members)
Click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

If you are uncomfortable with my selling things on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Published in: on December 19, 2017 at 10:02 am  Comments (4)  

Here’s How to NOT Ruin The Holidays For Fat People

 

WTFI spend a lot of time helping fat people deal with the bullshit fat shaming that comes our way daily, and that often escalates at the holidays (whether we celebrate them or not.)  I try to be clear that these things are not our fault, even though they become our problem and that the problem isn’t fat people, it’s fat shaming. So today I wanted to take a second to talk directly to fat shamers, accidental fat shamers, and potential fat shamers – however well meaning they may be – about how they can stop the problem before it even starts at the holidays, and all year long!

Don’t give a weight loss or “health” gift

Don’t give a gym membership, diet club membership, “healthy meal” delivery etc. unless the person has very specifically asked for it.  Including and especially if you’re only assuming that they don’t already do or have these things because of your stereotypes about fat people, or as a passive-aggressive hint that you think they may “need” the gift.  Instead, if you want to give a gift, consider choosing something based on the person’s actual likes and interests rather than stereotypes and fat shame. Or maybe a nice gift certificate.

Don’t be the food police

Don’t monitor, comment on, or concern yourself in any way with fat people’s (or any sized people’s) food choices at parties, holiday dinners or, hey, ever.  If we need the food police, we’ll call Pie-1-1. If you feel like you might have to deal with the Family and Friends Food Police, here are some tips.  If you want some ideas to help when you see this kind of food shaming, check here.

Don’t give a fat shaming card

Way too many fat people get cards with some version of  “We love you and we want you to lose weight because we want you to be around a long time.” If you honestly can’t figure out why “Happy Holidays! Please don’t die of fat because mourning you would be a major bummer for us” isn’t an appropriate message for a holiday card, then please just take my word for it this is a bad idea. The person to whom you deliver this little Hallmark moment may be able to defend themselves in court successfully with “Your Honor, they needed a killin'” This happened to my partner a couple years ago and we chose to cut ties with the relatives completely, about which it seems they are upset. Bad behavior can have undesired consequences for everyone, don’t put your fat friends and family in this position.

Don’t engage in diet talk or negative body talk

This suggestion isn’t just to help fat guests, but also for guests of any size who may be dealing with eating disorders, or guests who are interested in conversations that aren’t boring as hell. Find something else to talk about than why you are or are not eating what you are or are not eating.  Skip the 5 minutes soliloquy on what you feel you have to do to punish yourself for eating pie, and ask somebody at the party to tell you about themselves instead, or go watch TV, or play on your phone, whatever.

Don’t comment on body size changes

Nothing says “Happy Holidays” like knowing that your relatives are monitoring your body. You might think it’s a compliment to ask if someone has lost weight but that question is super loaded – perhaps they’ve lost weight because of illness, grief, medication, an eating disorder, or something else unwanted or unintentional. Perhaps they are uncomfortable with having their body size made into a topic for discussion (maybe because it’s hella inappropriate…) Perhaps they haven’t lost weight and, however well-intentioned you may be, they take it as backhanded or passive-aggressive. (Or perhaps you intended it to be backhanded or passive-aggressive in which case you’re being an ass,  won’t you please be a dear and knock it the hell off.)  If you want some suggestions for wading through the tricky world of weight loss compliments (like what to do when someone tells you’ve they’ve lost weight and then looks at you expectantly), you’ll find that here.

Don’t stage some kind of weight loss intervention

This should be a big pile of obvious in an obvious box with an obvious bow, but every year some asshat who wants to be thought of as “brave” writes an article about how the holidays are the perfect time to fat shame your relatives “for their own good.” First of all, people’s weight and health (two different things) aren’t your business unless they ask you to make them your business. Even if you don’t believe that, the holidays are definitely not the time to do this.  And if you feel that you have to do this at the holidays because it’s the only time you see that person, then consider how relevant you really are in their lives and whether you have any business doing this at all.  Then don’t. Just don’t. Do Not. Don’t. Trust me when I tell you, you are not The Fat Person Whisperer.

If y’all can think of others please feel free to leave them in the comments!

And if you are a person of any size looking for a program to help you build health relationships with food, movement, and your body, check out my new Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!

Over the course of eighteen self-paced, content-packed, quick videos you’ll get the tools you need to create healthy relationships with food, movement, and your body, and you’ll map out a path to health that makes sense for you, in an easily digestible format. Built-in tools allow you to track your progress and keep notes individually or as a group.
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members)
Click here for all the details and to register!

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support fat activism and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

If you are uncomfortable with my selling things on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Published in: on December 18, 2017 at 1:08 pm  Comments (15)  

Stop Talking About What donald trump Eats

No Food ShamingRecently, the Atlantic published an article attempting to food shame donald trump called “trump’s Food Choices Grow More Disconcerting.”

It turns out that former campaign manager (and FOX “News” commentator) Corey Lewandowski and former campaign aide David Bossie weren’t satisfied with how much they hurt the country by supporting donald. They now want to distract us from the atrocities he is committing, and they’re using the PR for their new book to do it.

The Atlantic article kicks off with a quote from the book that has now gone depressingly viral: “trump’s appetite seems to know no bounds when it comes to McDonald’s, with a dinner order consisting of two Big Macs, two Filet-O-Fish, and a chocolate malted.”

 

He and his party have just rammed through a tax bill, written partially in illegible scribbles in the margin, in the middle of the night with absolutely no open debate, that will transfer a massive amount of wealth from the poor and middle classes to the extremely wealthy. It will cause millions of people to lose their insurance and make higher education all but unaffordable for anyone but the super rich.

But yeah, sure, let’s talk about his Mickey D’s order.

And that’s exactly what’s happening. The story has been picked up all over the place, including what, at first glance, appears to be a mind-boggling waste of internet space by CNBC called, “Despite his billions, President Trump still enjoys a $22 McDonald’s dinner,” which halfway through the article admits that $22 is likely completely inaccurate.

It’s easy to say that Donald deserves shaming, but hypocrisy is never a good look, and it doesn’t matter since this isn’t even about him – this about distraction meeting direct harm of marginalized folks. Normally when we hear about people eating fast food, it’s about shaming poor people, or fat people, or poor fat people. Or to shame those serving the food.

But the same people who shame poor people for eating fast food (claiming that being poor, working too many jobs to have time to shop and prepare whole foods, not having a access to a stove and fridge, etc. are “no excuse” for eating fast food) are discussing rich people eating fast food as if it’s part of the — forgive me — secret sauce that keeps them wealthy. Consider this comment by Warren Buffet:

Read the rest of the piece here!

Like this blog?  Here’s more cool stuff:

Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support fat activism and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

NEW!!! Wellness for All Bodies Program: A simple, step-by-step, super efficient guide to setting and reaching your health goals from a weight neutral perspective.  This program can be used by individuals, or by groups, including as a workplace wellness program!

Over the course of eighteen self-paced, content-packed, quick videos you’ll get the tools you need to create healthy relationships with food, movement, and your body, and you’ll map out a path to health that makes sense for you, in an easily digestible format. Built-in tools allow you to track your progress and keep notes individually or as a group.
Price: $25.00 ($10 for DancesWithFat members)
Click here for all the details and to register!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

If you are uncomfortable with my selling things on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Published in: on December 17, 2017 at 12:29 pm  Comments (5)