I think that one of the most damaging and erroneous messages that we are given by society is that unless you’re thin, you will never be enough. Sure you won a Grammy for your first CD and an Oscar for your first film, but are you thin? I understand that you are the governor of a state and that people want you to run for President, but are you thin? You’re thin now so we expect you to maintain that obsessively so that you are never not thin. You eat nourishing foods and move your body regularly, but are you thin? You’re a great mother but are you thin? You’re a successful business person but are you thin? You’re 4 years old but are you thin? You’re 90 years old but are you thin? You cured cancer but are you thin?
Enough.
Let’s all realize that this is an artificial construct. Being thin is only valuable because of our culture at this time. The body size that is valuable has been different at different times, and currently varies tremendously in different cultures and under different circumstances.
If your body doesn’t match the ideal body for the culture and time in which you live, that can be really difficult. You can try to change your body, you can try to change the culture, or you can live outside it (somewhere on the spectrum from deliriously happy to miserable). But I’d like you to consider something. Consider that doing any of those things doesn’t change one simple fact: You are already enough. Your intrinsic value is already beyond measure. And you will not be more valuable if there is less of you or less valuable if there is more of you.
Imagine what our society would be like if we realized the value and beauty of all bodies. Imagine how different our lives would be if we realized the value and beauty of our own bodies. If we realized that we are already enough.
Dances With Fat 
Thanks. That’s a very exact description of the situation.
What a wonderful way of putting it Ragen, that is the constant message that is pushed at us from morning to night from all the various media. I was watching QVC UK (my guilty secret, though most people know now)and these women were discussing skin care and anti-aging type products. The woman representing the product said it had worked so well on her face, that friends and people at the gym asked her if she had lost weight because she looked so great. What the hell has that got to do with her skin/face and what they were discussing and needless to say she was an “average/thin(compared to me)sized nice looking woman. It really has become so embedded in a very wrong way in our insane society!!
Marion, UK
Imagine if this were true and the Big Diet conglomerates were sent packing. Just thinking of this brings a smile to my face.
FWIW, I’ve never understood “going on a diet”. A diet is what you eat, like a diet that consists of coat hangers, tin cans, and balls of fluff. Or one that is full of veggies and little meat with occasional bouts of chocolate (that’s my diet). If you go to the doctor, you are asked, “How’s your diet?”, and everyone knows they mean your food intake, not “How’s your diet GOING?”. The term has become abused and bastardised so much that no one knows what it means any more.
And yeah, my entire life, I’ve always underscored everything with “At least you’re thin”…until I saw a special on a woman who was so desperate to be thin (after being heavy for her entire life) that she had bypass surgery. It went horribly wrong, and she wound up being in hospital for nearly two years. TWO YEARS. She said, “I lost the use of my legs for almost 9 months. I ate no solids for a year and half. I still can’t eat without feeling like I’m about to puke it back up. I lost two years with my kids that I can’t get back. I STILL am too weak to walk more than 50 feet, and the infections from the surgery are still working on me.”
The host looked at her and said rather ironically, “But you’re thin now, eh?”
And the woman just shook her head and said, “Wasn’t worth it.”
It was about then I just let the idea go that thin should be my highest priority in life. That was about two years ago, and I’ve not looked back.
I think this blog is great and I was wondering if you have heard of Jean Antonello’s books “How to be Naturally Thin by eating more” and “Breaking out of Food Jail”. I think you might agree with a lot of what she says. They are available on Amazon without breaking the bank.
She basically believes that based on the Theory of Adaptation if we trust our bodies and feed our bodies good real food when our bodies give us hunger cues our bodies will naturally change to carrying what fat it needs to run on at a lower more efficient level.
Starving a body causes it store more fat, but feeding it causes it to store less fat. It must be consistent and the body will get rid of fat over a long time period so it isn’t quick. In my experience her books make a lot of sense to me. I did get into a bad habit of ignoring my hunger cues and now that I am listening to them I feel healthier. But like she said it will take a long time to see if my body will adapt to a thinner state.
I just want to add that I have 3 kids and after my first, weight became an issue for me. I never worried about it before and when I finally got back into my wedding dress I thought I had achieved greatness, but at the same time, I struggled to maintain that achievement. I liked Jean’s books because she focuses on loving your body the way it is now. She says buy clothes and make you feel great about your looks and cross out the size and say “The right size” on them if you have to. I am tall and my weight is spread out pretty nicely over my body. I shop for xl, 1x and size 16-18. I still have to turn off the thoughts of longing to fit in smaller sizes occasionally. My focus now is for a healthier, stronger body instead of a particular size.
Beautifully written – thank you. Today I am and will be enough. Ahhh. That feels very good.
Marilyn
Thank you thank you thank you for this. I want to print it out and carry it around with me. You just brought tears to my eyes.
Glad that you liked it 🙂
~Ragen
While I have only twenty extra pounds, according to the misled experts, I came from a family of obese people and I follow your writings through email and often share them with friends who are struggling with the same societal abuse of which you blog.
Keep up the good work. I applaud you!
I hate how society doesn’t take fat people seriously. I myself used to see the world this way. One time this guy was into me when I was 19. I wasn’t into him much. He was overweight and I saw him in my head as this couch potato with a lack of intelligence. A couple years later he got into going to the gym and became thin and suddenly his credibility as a guy worthy of me shot up. I saw him as a handsome, ambitious, talented, and intelligent catch of a guy. But the thing is, he was always that way. The only thing that changed was his weight. So I understand this now and I realize how society sees fat people versus how they see thin people, and it really sucks.
Reminds me of this article http://healthyisthenewskinny.com/2011/10/beautiful-imperfection-katie-halchishick%E2%80%99s-iconic-photo-hits-the-stands/
Where she says “You cannot be a healthy person, let alone hope for healthy children, if you sigh and moan every time you encounter your own image, eat a cookie, or see an airbrushed model on a billboard. Even if it amounts to wholesale pretending, go pretend. Walk around pretending to be a woman who likes her body… Because every step toward self-love you take, and every inch of confidence you give someone’s daughter, makes the world a better place….
You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful.”
Let’s all realize that this is an artificial construct.
Yes to this, enough is right.