You’re Not the Fat Person Whisperer

You Cannot Be SeriousI do not know what the deal is with people who feel the need to make unsolicited comments/suggestions etc. to fat people about how they think we should live our lives, but my readers have told me about everything from strangers at restaurants making food suggestions to people trying to pray their fat away (something that I experienced all too recently.)  Seriously. I wanted to write an open letter in case any of these people read this blog or in case such a thing would be helpful to some of my readers, and because I’m just irritated.

Dear Possibly Well-Meaning but Completely Misguided Person,

I’m not sure what led you to make your unsolicited comments to me about my health/weight/size/food choices etc.  It’s not something that I would ever do and so I just don’t have any concept of how you could possibly think it is in any way appropriate.  Let me assure you that it is not.  I am not interested in your opinions or suggestions about me, my body, or my health, and the way you know that is that I didn’t ask for them.  If I ever want your opinions or suggestions about me, my body, or my health, you may rest assured that you will be among the very first people to know.

There is no discussion to be had about who is right or wrong here.  Not only can’t you tell anything about my health or behaviors by looking at me, even if you could those things are not a barometer for my worthiness and are absolutely not any of your business.  I do not accept your authority when it comes to me or my body. l don’t owe you (either personally or as a member of society) anything when it comes to my body- I don’t owe you a certain body size, I don’t owe you any behaviors, I don’t owe you your, or anybody else’s, definition of health or healthy behaviors.

As I elaborated on in this post, the only thing that is required in order to have the right to demand basic human respect is a pulse.  The rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are not size, ability, or health dependent, nor are they dependent on looking or acting the way that someone wants you to look or act.  In that sentence “someone” refers to you, oh person who makes unsolicited comments.

Let me state this as clearly as possible:  I am not a poor sad fat girl waiting for you to come along and give me the words of wisdom/encouragement/shame that change my life.  I love my life, and I loved it just a little more before you started giving suggestions about it and I’ll love it that much more once you stop, so how about we speed that process along.  You are not the fatty whisperer.  Back the hell off.

Like the blog?  More Cool Stuff!

Book and Dance Class Sale!  I’m on a journey to complete an IRONMAN triathlon, and I’m having a sale on all my books, DVDs, and digital downloads to help pay for it. You get books and dance classes, I get spandex clothes and bike parts. Everybody wins! If you want, you can check it out here!

Like my work?  Want to help me keep doing it? Become a Member! For ten bucks a month you can support size diversity activism, help keep the blog ad free, and get deals from size positive businesses as a thank you.  Click here for details

Book Me!  I’d love to speak to your organization. You can get more information on topics, previous engagements and reviews here or just e-mail me at ragen at danceswithfat dot org!

I’m training for an IRONMAN! You can follow my journey at www.IronFat.com

A movie about my time as a dancer is in active development, you can follow the progress on Facebook!

If you are uncomfortable with my offering things for sale on this site, you are invited to check out this post.

Published in: on August 17, 2015 at 10:32 am  Comments (15)  

15 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. “You are not the fatty whisperer. Back the hell off.” – Best response ever!

  2. I really want to print these out and have them in my handbag for every douche who congratulates me for eating salad or frowns when I have a trolley full of coke.

  3. I would like to have these for the lady who expressed horror in a restaurant on seeing that I had piled my plate so high with salad. (It was at a salad bar.) Thank you, thank you.

    • Wait, she was horrified that you were eating too many vegetables?

      Huh?

      You can’t win with some people.

      • Oh, no, but I bet she had something on that plate that wasn’t a vegetable! Everyone knows you only eat salads to lose weight, duh! And as soon as a drop of non-fat-free dressing touches it, it’s no longer “healthy” (dietetic), so I’m sure she would desperately want to point out to the poor ignorant fat person how she was actually sabotaging herself! Clearly she doesn’t know, because she seems to just be eating *whatever the heck she feels like eating that day*. And that’s just appalling! (*eyeballs threaten to roll back too far to be retrieved*)

        • Love this! I have met people like that, “your salad is too fattening”. I really think people that have to speak up about other people’s eating habits, are the most annoying people in the world! Thank you for making me laugh about it!

    • So where were you *supposed* to eat salad? At a bowling alley? Stonehenge? Sounds like this woman has never seen a Woman Laughing With Salad stock photo.😉

  4. Love this post! I’m a bit ashamed to admit that I don’t go out into the world alone much anymore specifically because I get so many unsolicited comments. I am seriously considering printing out a few copies of this to carry with me and present to the “fatty whisperers” who make my life hell. Thank you for so eloquently putting into words what I’ve always wanted to say.

  5. I love this letter.

  6. I wish this letter had been around 15 years ago when I was really struggling with family members butting in and telling me what I “should” be doing and making comments on everything from what I should be wearing to make me “look slimmer”, to what I should be eating, to how I should be moving.

    You’re amazing and I’m so grateful for your straight forward way of addressing things and your way of boiling down these things to expose them for the BS they really are. Thank you!

  7. “The only thing that is required in order to have the right to demand basic human respect is a pulse.”
    And we should even respect those who no longer have a pulse.

  8. Can we please get this printed on business cards so we can pass them out to everyone who needs to read it? Perhaps a lovely logo on one side and the text (or similar, smaller text) on the other? I would TOTALLY buy these. Both to use myself and as a gift!

    • How about this? I’ve just boiled it down a bit.
      “Dear Possibly Well-Meaning but Completely Misguided Person,
      I’m not sure what led you to make your unsolicited comments to me about my health/weight/size/food choices etc. I am not interested in your opinions or suggestions about me, my body, or my health, and the way you know that is that I didn’t ask for them.
      There is no discussion to be had about who is right or wrong here. I don’t owe you anything when it comes to my body- I don’t owe you a certain body size, I don’t owe you any behaviours, I don’t owe you your, or anybody else’s, definition of health or healthy behaviours.
      The only thing that is required in order to have the right to demand basic human respect is a pulse. The rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are not size, ability, or health dependent, nor are they dependent on looking or acting the way that someone wants you to look or act.
      Let me state this as clearly as possible: I am not a poor sad fat girl waiting for you to come along and give me the words of wisdom/encouragement/shame that change my life. I love my life, and I loved it just a little more before you started giving suggestions about it and I’ll love it that much more once you stop. You are not the fatty whisperer. Back the hell off.”

      • Yes! Now let’s print it. Vistaprint (I’m not affiliated with theme in any way) can do a two sided business card with a shadow image. They always have coupons and deal going. Let’s do this.

  9. Grr…them


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: